Regular programming.

I just finished watching episode 15 (season 4) of Big Bang Theory and I'm wondering why it's so “easy” to give Sheldon grace on the grounds that “that’s how his character is”, but not Howard or Rajeesh?

I was reading a Reddit comment where people were ranking their favourite characters and someone dismissed Sheldon's behaviour on that basis and then turned around to talk about how perverted Howard is? Can't we also say that that was how Howard's character is supposed to be?

Sheldon is definitely my worst character now. Unlike Howard's case where he became bearable when he finally got a girlfriend, Sheldon gets no improvement. He's the most condescending person I've ever met, or in this case, watched on TV—I think.

Honestly, I know it's a series and all, but in real life, Sheldon would be insufferable, you wouldn't be able to stand him, and there was this scene where Penny asked why they all just let him bully them, and I was thinking the exact thing.

He calls them his friends, but he insults them whenever and however he wants. It's exhausting to watch sometimes and I think I've reached that point (again) where I need to take a break from watching it. I'm becoming really annoyed. Why?! Why? You know you don't have to hang out with him, right? You can just tell that the episode about the app pissed me off so much, it was satisfying watching them kick Sheldon out of the team.

Also, another part of the movie I don't like—the whole dynamic between Penny and Leonard. It was fun the first two times, but it gets to a point. Just stop. We're all tired of the ship. Ugh. And the whole thing where they make everything about sex or having a partner kills me everytime. Jesus Christ.

I'm currently having a headache and I think I should sleep, but I can't. I feel tired and I'm trying to figure out where it all fell apart. July was one of my worst months of this year so far. I had major breakdowns last month, and it wasn't like the previous months (or since this year started).

I was even telling myself that I haven't had an anxiety attack in a while or felt like major shit, until well, July. Sigh. The way life works, it's like I was doing well until a certain point and then I just crashed and I've been struggling to get back into regular programming ever since.

I went to school to see my project supervisor today, and let's just say, I still have a long way to go with this project. Whenever I go to see my supervisor, it is like a humiliation ritual. In one conversation, he always manages to bring you up, drop you to the floor, make you feel stupid, and then remind you how lucky you are to have him as a supervisor. I'm having a great time. But like I said yesterday, everything will end in January. I can't wait for January to get here.

Although, speaking of January, I have quite a number of tests next week. I'm already exhausted and can't wait for Thursday to get here.

I took a break from writing this and went to sleep, I just woke up about 15 minutes ago. I set an alarm to start editing this by 7pm, and so I'm trying to finish up. I will post it right after.

After now, I think I will read a little and then talk to my father against my will. Strangely, it's making me anxious. I don't like talking to my father, especially given the topic. Ugh. But I have to do it and get it over with.

Immediately after typing “get it over with”, I stood and immediately went to do it. The humiliation is sinking in. Actually there was no humiliation, it's just my father being… my father. Anyways, I will stop writing now and just sit down here for a while and work on posting this—I’m currently sitting outside.

Articles, blog posts, essays, and everything else in between.

💕 Casual Sex Is A Rich Woman's Sport.

There's actually nothing casual about sex if you don't have basic money, at least. What if you catch an infection? What would you do about it when you don't have money? What if you get pregnant and need to get rid of it? Post pills? Contraceptives? And let's not even talk about the emotional aspects of it.

Excerpts:

• We live in a culture that markets sexual freedom to women like it’s a universal upgrade package, but that’s only true if your life can withstand the emotional, physical, and social consequences of uncommitted sex. And most women’s lives can’t. Freedom without insulation is just exposure. To unwanted pregnancies. To STIs. To men who don’t believe in foreplay or boundaries. To misinterpreted power dynamics, coercion dressed up as flirtation, and full-blown abuse. Casual sex is sold as something women could do because it’s a form of empowerment. In reality, it often requires women to pretend they’re empowered, because there’s nothing less sexy to a man than a woman with expectations.

• Casual sex isn’t immoral, it’s just misadvertised. It’s sold like it’s emotionally neutral, physically harmless, and socially consequence-free. It’s branded as a universally accessible freedom when in reality, it functions more like a luxury. Something that requires insulation, recovery time, privacy, and sometimes even damage control. Not because women can’t handle sex, but because society rarely lets them do it without punishment or the evidence of being subjected.

💕 #68: vulnerability is a knife.

Excerpts:

• Vulnerability is a knife. It can be both a tool and a weapon. It can cut through to our hearts, but it can also harm us. Sometimes consuming others’ pain is unhealthy for us, just as it is unhealthy for them. While it is true that sharing vulnerable stories on social media can be empowering, I wonder if we know that there should be boundaries. Some things should be personal, meant for you and the people around you. Some stories are not yours alone to tell. Some challenges should be tackled in private, where the voyeuristic eyes of strangers aren’t your audience.

• Our demand for vulnerability is another thing. We hop from influencer to influencer, demanding them to show their humanness. We laud influencers who do. We call them “authentic”. We resent the people who refuse to perform vulnerability in a way that suits us. An example that comes to mind is the social media campaign harassing Emilie Kiser after she lost her toddler son and took her grieving offline. It was as if we wanted her to set up her camera and cry for us. We felt entitled to her grief. We felt entitled to her “vulnerability”. There are many such examples of this online. It’s so pervasive we don’t realise we are doing it half of the time. It is as if the pain of others is light entertainment to us. We feel because they have let us in their lives for the short period of time that they post on social media, we are entitled to their whole lives. If we get to see their joy, why can’t we not see their pain, we say, in so many words.

💕 Lagos Needs A Couture Week, NOW!

Excerpts:

• In Nigeria, weddings are couture’s unofficial fashion week, and bridalwear is one thriving, obsessive business. Consider the multiple wardrobe changes, photo shoots with full lighting setups, months-long fittings, and the often silent competition among guests and celebrants alike to be the most memorable look in the room, or perhaps the year.

• A Veekee James bride is not just getting married. She is executing a kind of ceremonial unveiling with the help of glass stones, corsetry, and an unreserved accuracy.

• Lagos Couture Week, if it ever arrives, should not imitate Paris but offer something firmly anchored in who we are: our rituals, our occasions, and our idea of luxury.

Today's Photo Gallery.

See you tomorrow.

Bye x.