Regular programming.

I just finished listening to Jenny (I wanna ruin our friendship) by Studio Killers. It's an old favourite, I stumbled upon it while I was browsing through the YouTube music app.

There was a time it was relatable, and for a while after that, I couldn't listen to the song because of that entire period. Ack.

I'm currently pacing around my room. All I've done today is sleep, read, and watch the big bang theory. I'm currently at episode 21, I will soon be done with season 4. Yay me.

I'm particularly enjoying the friendship between Penny, Amy, and Bernadette. It's really cute and it's healthy even though all of them come from different backgrounds—it’s so different from the guy's relationship with each other. What I'm not enjoying however is Howard's proposal, when he popped the question, I was just like—what the fuck?Are you kidding me right now?!

Where are they even going to live? He lives with his mother whom he's so attached to, ugh. But what can I say? It's a good series to watch and pass time.

I've not felt like talking with anybody today. I feel emotionally numb, and all of a sudden, I'm remembering every evil thing everyone has ever done to me. I'm being dramatic when I say evil, of course, but like why did they do that though?

I was washing earlier and I somehow started thinking about 2019. 2019 was when I finished secondary school and it was so interesting how the most important thing then was passing WAEC, JAMB, and gaining admission into school THAT year, and now, it's just gone. All that tension, poof.

I was so scared of failing WAEC. For some weird reason, it sounded like such an embarrassing thing to do. I mean, failing an exam is sad and all, but WAEC felt like something you just can't fail. I don't know if this makes sense. It was also when I started reading my books. Before then, I would just do enough to get by, if I even did anything at all. I would try when I wanted, but that was just it, and thinking about it now, how did I even pass WAEC? Lmao.

Okay, I get it now. JAMB came before WAEC and that I read for, but the main WAEC period? L to the M to the A to the O.

Another interesting thing was that I desperately needed to get into school the same year, I couldn't imagine a future where that didn't happen. Sitting down at home for a whole year felt like the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I'm thinking about it now and it's just so funny. Where was I even rushing to? I didn't even know what I wanted to even study in the university, I just wanted to be there.

All I knew was that I didn't want to do Medicine, which was what my father wanted, but he dropped it after he saw that I really didn't want to do it. Then he suggested Nursing? And me? Nursing? There's nothing wrong with it, but it's just not me. There's too much interaction with the patient for my own good.

What I wanted to do however was Anatomy, I just wanted to learn it. I wasn't even thinking about a job or whatever, I just found it interesting (well then, anyway. Lmao). But my father was thinking about the job aspect and he said (and I quote), “if you find any place, where they say ‘Hiring Anatomists’, then you can do it”. It was funny, but I get it.

Then I wanted to do Medical Laboratory Science. No special reason, it just sounded cool, but thinking about it now, I'm grateful my father didn't let me do this. I wouldn't have enjoyed it.

Somehow, we decided on Pharmacy, but I had already heard about how Pharmacy was hard, how you fail and you get kicked out. My problem with pharmacy started before I even started attending the school sef. Anyways, that's the story. I can't remember why I even brought this up.

Ah yes, I remember now, I was thinking about 2019 because I remembered that song—Freaky Friday by Lil. Dicky ft. Chris Brown, it used to be very popular on the radio in 2018/2019. I listened to the radio a lot in those years, especially in 2019. Because of the breaks in the exams, sometimes, you just have to stay at home and be by yourself.

That was actually one of the worst periods of my life. I had my first major breakup, that was how I started the whole randomly bursting into tears thing. Sometimes, I think I'm over it, sometimes I'm not. It comes and goes.

I don't even think I fully healed from it because in the middle of trying to get over it, I somehow met someone and I knew them for [redacted], and then I got together with them the next week—which if you know me then (or you even just read this newsletter consistently), you'd know it was even worse.

I even remember that year I went to this church conference, and you know that thing where someone is heartbroken and they're crying in church because of an emotional song, and you think they're crying because of what's happening around them, but it's just because they're heartbroken? Yeap. That was me. It was a fun conference, I learned a lot, but it would have been better if I wasn't already sad.

Oh, another song I hate that I absolutely can't listen to; Baby by Joeboy, I hate it so much, I can't listen to it. I first heard it around that period. Then So Fine by Crayon. Let's say I just finished having the breakup conversation and then I went to sit down and process everything, and that was the song playing on the TV. Ack.

I think the worst thing after breaking up with someone is when their next relationship is a public one, so you just see them everywhere. You'd actually just want to kill yourself.

Anyways, today's the 3rd of August. That means it's 9 days till my birthday. If anyone's planning a suprise party for me, they're way behind schedule, but they can still catch up.

I have nothing else to say, I think I'm in a bad mood and if I keep typing, I will just start saying a bunch of unnecessary things, so I will stop now.

I have to go to school early tomorrow for my project work, I have two tests tomorrow. Another two tests on Tuesday and then three tests on Thursday. This week will be great (sarcasm). I also have an assignment to submit tomorrow. Yay me.

I took a break and went to get my power bank from where I was charging it. On my way back, I decided to stop at a store where they sell baked goods and whatnot. I got a burger and let's just say, it's the most disappointing thing I've ate in a long time. It was disgusting.

I've eaten almost everything they sell in this shop. The first time I started getting things here, I was so obsessed with their donuts, I would always get the donuts, but the thing is, two is small and three is too much. When you get to three, you get disgusted fast and don't want to eat it anymore.

After that phase, I became obsessed with their bread. Omg, I was always eating bread then. Whenever I was hungry, the first thing that would come to mind is their bread. Then I got tired of it and started trying different stuff here and there, and got tired.

Now I'm here again and they've fallen off. I need a new food obsession. There's always indomie, but whenever I cook it, my family members won't give me breathing space—there’s only so many times you can cook it in a row, which is one btw. Now I just buy it outside, but sometimes I don't want to eat something that's cooked. Oh, the horror.

That's enough now, I will try to read some more before I go to bed. Hopefully, I don't end up just watching big bang theory. I feel like shit right now.

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