First Date Questions — Answered

hey, how are you? did you have a hard time finding this place? i almost got lost on my way here. how are you doing? you look really amazing. i love your hair. it’s so good to see you. how is your family? how is work? i really hope it’s not been too stressful, balancing everything with school. should we place our orders now? do you like pasta? what drink would you like to order? mimosas or pina coladas? would you like some bbq sauce? are you feeling cold?

I'm doing well, how are you doing? Yes, I had a hard time finding this place, but I'm here now, so all's well that ends well, I guess. It's funny how you also almost got lost in the first place, but somehow insisted we meet here.

My family is fine, as always. Recently, I realised that I do not give so much thanks for my family as much as I should. Of course, they have their own “things”, but they are actually cool people.

The thing I've been thinking about exactly is how for a long time in forever, no one has fallen sick, like there's not been any major sickness or any reason for anyone to spend the night at the hospital. So, right now, I'm really grateful for that. How's your own family? Is everyone well?

Concerning work, I do not have a permanent job, like a place or someone I have to report to every day or week or month, I'm not sure how it works exactly. I don't have a 9-5 and I don't plan on getting one anytime soon, until I graduate from the university. I wouldn't be able to handle that kind of stress. Pharmacy stresses me out a lot and at this point in my life, flexibility is really sexy to me.

I do freelance though, as much as my school and living with my parents who doesn't want me to work while in school permits—my parents think it's distracting, and in their words; “just focus on school and pass your exams, and we'll give you everything you want”, but how will I tell them that sometimes, I spend a certain amount of money on food when I'm stressed, and there's data and monthly subscriptions. Do you see the problem now? My parents only recognise essential needs, everything else apart from your feeding, school fees, and clothes is unnecessary and you're just being wasteful and “don’t know how the country is”.

Oh, I'm sorry if I've talked too much—you don't mind? Well, I guess that's fair, it's a date after all. Yes, of course, let's place our orders now. I don't exactly like pasta and I don't exactly hate it. It's honestly just there for me. If it's good, it's good.

If I'm being honest, I don't know what those drinks you just mentioned are, I've never exactly been to fancy restaurants before, remember what I said about my parents only recognising essential needs? Yes, they don't exactly believe in eating out.

I remember growing up and wondering why we didn't do that like “normal families do”. When I was much younger, I couldn't make sense of it because it wasn't like the money wasn't there, we just didn't, it made me really sad and felt like I was missing out on something, but now that I'm older, I know that it's just how they are and I'm not exactly missing out on anything, I still have my life ahead of me, and well, life is more than that.

Speaking of what “normal families” do, another thing they made me really sad when I was much younger was the fact that we didn't exactly celebrate birthdays, I didn't celebrate my 1 year birthday and neither did my siblings. Growing up, I had to make extra effort to make sure my parents remembered my birthday and gave me something. No shit, I would start reminding them on the 1st of August—my birthday is on the 12th—I never got a cake, but I got little gifts, mostly money. Like an afterthought. Like just take and leave me alone.

Fun fact about me: I've never gotten a birthday cake, I've been meaning to get one for the past 2 years (intentionally), but something always comes up and I have to use the money for something else. Do you always celebrate your birthdays with a cake? What's a typical birthday celebration for you?

One memory that's really imprinted in my head was me telling my father that I wanted to get ice-cream and—is this sad? I mean, compared to what other people do on their birthday, it seems small? (laughs), it's the thought that counts, right?

Anyhoo, he didn't do it on my birthday, but I think he kinda figured I wouldn't let him be until he did it, so he did, but it was in a very hurried manner. Make no mistakes, my father actually has no problem in disappointing me, lmao. What's his own with what you want on your birthday?

My parents don't go out a lot and I guess that's why I and my siblings are this way. We also tend to stay at home willingly now, especially my immediate younger brother. Did you go out a lot as a kid?

And yes, you're right, I've never tasted a BBQ sauce, I feel like you're getting me already. No, I'm not cold. Are you comfortable?

tell me about yourself. did anything cool happen at work today? something you’re grateful for, something that pissed you off? is there a place you miss, is there a nostalgia you avoid intentionally? do you love the rain, would you dance in it or shut your doors and windows during a storm? do you see people as windows or mirrors? who’s your favorite cartoon character, and who introduced it to you? do you like movies, or are you a series person? have you watched bojack horseman? it’s really bizarre, isn’t it? the talking animals, expressing emotions that are more human than they are. what’s your favourite color? do you have a favourite fruit, and why is it mangoes? what’s your star sign? do you believe astrology influences the way we live our lives?

Well, since we've already established that I don't work, I'll skip that question, but I'll tell you something that happened when I was coming back from school the other day. While I was walking to my house, there was this house where someone was cooking something and apparently, left the pot on the fire and stepped out, so the food started burning, like you could actually see the smoke and smell the burning food from the road.

Her neighbours were outside and trying to call her to come home, because the door was obviously locked and she was, well, putting their lives in danger. The house didn't burn down though, it's still standing, there was no huge commotion after I got into my house, no smoke, so yeah.

Is there a place I miss? Not exactly. I've been living in this place since I was born, well, not exactly, we've moved only once since I was born and that's to this place which is our permanent house, but you get the point. But if I'm going to turn this around, I'm going to say I miss a certain age, but not exactly in a “I miss when I was this age, I would love to be this age again”, but in a “well, it was nice, the good parts”, lmao, I can't look past the bad side, please.

Yes, a nostalgia I intentionally avoid has to be anything connected to high school or primary school, those bonds and memories you're supposed to make in those places. I try not to think about it and avoid anything that reminds me of them. I didn't exactly have a fun time in those places, it was just me saying, “alright, it's just remaining XYZ in this place”—the same thing I'm doing in the university now, lmao. Did you enjoy your university days? What about high school? Were you part of a clique or well known among the teachers? I'm jealous of people who had a good time in Highschool or are having a good time in University now.

I try not to have any regrets, but I think my biggest regret so far in life is being so shy. It's even funny because sometimes, I blame my parents for it, because growing up, they kept us inside a lot, “just read your books”, even during the holidays. Imagine spending your holidays solving your maths textbook for the class you're going to.

No shit, my father would actually beat the shit out of us, if you didn't finish the part you're supposed to finish. To be very honest, I think most of my childhood I felt like I was missing out on something, I didn't have interesting stories to write in the “my last holiday” composition.

I think I got resentful and stopped trying in school or paying attention (lmao, look at me trying to turn it around now). But anyhoo, I try not to think about it and think about what I can do now instead. What was your childhood like?

I don't have any feelings towards the rain, it's just rain, something that happens (laughs), I won't dance in it, I wouldn't want to catch a cold and I will definitely shut my doors and windows during a storm. The worst thing that can happen to me has to be being stuck outside when rain is falling. What's your favourite season? Dry or rainy season?

I don't watch a lot of movies, one of my markers for me to know I'm not okay is when I start bingeing a lot of movies, that's how I know I'm not in a good frame of mind.

Recently though, I've been really into Kdramas. I've been reading a lot of romance novels, so it just makes sense to watch Kdramas like that. Plus, I'm learning Korean, so it's really interesting to hear something I've learned from someone in the movie.

Whenever I'm watching a Kdrama and I hear someone say something and I understand it, it makes me really excited. Like, yes, I'm really learning something! Are you learning a language? What language? I used to be into Latin, like, a lot, but I paused. I actually switch between Korean and Latin, I switch when I'm tired of one, there's no point doing something that's making me tired and unhappy. My long term goal is to learn the Asian languages; Korean, Japanese, and Chinese.

No, I haven't watched BoJack Horseman, but I know about it. I have this weird thing where I decide not to watch a movie simply because everyone is currently watching it, the way I see it is that, if everyone is watching it and they like it, then it's not for me, because I have, well, exquisite taste.

There's no way I'll like what everyone likes! But that theory has failed for some time now, like I liked Wednesday, I enjoyed Iron Flame, what else? These are the only ones I can think of, for now.

I don't exactly have a favourite colour, but there was a time someone noticed that I tend to use the purple heart emoji a lot and the purple background status on WhatsApp, and they said it was my favourite colour, and I went “yes, that's my favourite colour”, and I've been looking at the colour differently from that day, so purple is my favourite colour?

I like pink, too. I'm not sure how I feel about red, I like green, I like really colourful colours, pastel is what they call them, I think.

Haha, mangoes are not my favourite fruits, I'm guessing they are yours. I don't know how I feel about mangoes, they're just fruits, I'll eat them if I want to. I feel like I allow a lot of grey areas in my life and don't give meaning to a lot of things. Things can be just things. It's how I told someone one time that my parents are just parents, I don't exactly hate them or love them, and it doesn't really change the fact that they're my parents. It's also how I see people in my school, they're just people and coursemates, I don't exactly feel anything towards them, and that's that.

My favourite fruit would be pineapple, it's really nice. I love pineapple juice, I don't think I've ever tasted a bad pineapple flavoured anything, even chewing gums, but have you tasted Mango flavoured chewing gums? Or drinks? It's terrible.

Normally, I wouldn't have answered this question because I change my mind a lot about a lot of things and answering these type of questions is always like, “you said your favourite colour is Purple, you should always wear purple”, but I think it should be okay for me to change my mind tomorrow, like, “yes, I said my favourite colour is purple, but that was yesterday, today it is green. Why? I saw something that looked really good in green and it has just been on my mind”.

Or rather, it should be okay for me to do other things and still have the other thing in my head. Holding space for the both of them. In my head, it makes sense, I don't know if you understand. Do you?

I don't exactly believe in astrology. Why? Well, I'm a Christian, so I think that answers everything. Although, there was a time I actually believed my life was influenced by the full moon, I noticed that I always felt a certain kind of way whenever it's a full moon, so it just got to my head, I don't know. I was going through a lot, I needed an explanation for everything. So, I was like, maybe it's the full moon. Do you believe in astrology? Why? Was there an event that made you go “yes, this actually makes sense and I really want to do it for the rest of my life?”.

when did you pick up the skill of dissociating, of numbing yourself and telling yourself to ‘get over it’ as though it’ll work that way? when did you learn to not expect too much from people, so you won’t be disappointed? who taught you the hard way not to put all of your cards on the table? do you remember what they looked like when they smiled, or laughed from the cave of their belly, or how their eyes hardened when they were upset with you? do you remember taking walks with them on nights when the world felt more alive than usual? the ridiculous happiness, the ease?

I learned about disappointments and not to expect too much from people from my father, but moving on from that, there's also people, too. People are really weird, don't you think so?

People don't understand accountability and commitment and also, communication. These are strange things to them and no matter how you stress that these things are really important to your relationship with them, they refuse to listen. It's quite sad.

I can't think of a time where I put all my cards on the table and it backfired, but recently, I've been in a bad spot, I've been so vulnerable and just wanting to talk to someone generally, and so, there’s this person who would say “let's meet at XYZ place”, and I would get really excited, and go “yes, I'll talk with this person and everything will be a bit okay, they will understand”, and they wouldn't show up, it was so sad.

That's why when I'm feeling like I need to talk to someone or I might just faint, I don't. I delete my social media apps and put off my phone, from experience, it always ends up badly and I end up disappointed. I'm not sure I answered your question, did I?

what does your room look like, what would you like it to look like? are you a lekki minimalist or do you prefer houses that look like they belong to igbo chiefs from nollywood movies, with all the gold furnishings? if you were to create a playlist to describe your life, what songs will be on it? would you ever dye your hair a bright colour, like turquoise or pink? do you listen to rema? do you like tattoos? why do you have times when you suddenly walk out of your body, like you’re here but not really? where do you go during those times? do you know you’re only a thought of the universe with a borrowed body? what words would you like to hear the most when you need someone to hold your hand?

There's no wall paint or wallpaper in my room, I'm not exactly sure why, there's just none, because if we put A + B together, there should be a wall paint, but there's none, even though A and B is present. Haha.

What would I want it to look like? I don't know, it's not something I think about, but there's obviously those fake plants somewhere with the little lights and maybe a white wallpaper. So, yes, to answer your other question, I'm a minimalist. I don't know if I'm a Lekki one, since I don't live in Lagos or have been to Lekki.

I've actually been trying to create a playlist for a while, but whenever I settle down to do it, I don't know what I'm going for, is it upbeat? slow songs? Afrobeats? What will it be?! It confuses me and I just stop.

Tbvh, I would rather someone just do it for me, why is there no A. I. for that? Anyhoo, that's why I like the little Spotify playlists, they will have to do for now. I'm not sure what a playlist of my life would include, maybe all my favourite songs? Currently, I'm thinking: Feel by Davido and some other songs from the Timeless album, songs from the GUTS album, songs from Faouzia's discography, songs from Lorde's Melodrama, Songs from Taylor Swift's discography, and a whole others. See. Chaos.

What artists do you listen to? No, I don't exactly listen to Rema, as in, I wouldn't say I'm a fan, if I hear a good song from him, I would listen, but it's not like if he's releasing a new song or album, I would listen to the entire thing immediately.

I don't know if I'll ever dye my hair, I don't think so, but there's a time I really wanted to dye my hair purple. I might still do it, who knows? But tattoos are a hard no from me right now, I don't know, the idea of doing something on my skin just isn't appealing to me. Do you have a tattoo?

Most of the time, when I need someone to hold my hand, I don't need them to say anything else, I just need someone to hold my hand, just to know they're there. With me. In this thing. But also, it means a lot to me when people say they love me. It's… I don't know… calming? Like, “I love you and I'm here for you”, “I love you, what do you need?”, “I love you and I'm walking with you”, I don't know if this makes sense, do you understand? Let me know if you don't.

would you change anything if today was the last day of your life? who would you call and who would you catch that bus to see for the first or last time? how’s your relationship with your parents, how are you feeling today, how is your heart? are you enjoying your food? would you like to taste mine? here, have a bite. what would be important for potential friendships you’d make to know about you? what would you rather hide?

No, I wouldn't change anything. I will just live my life as I am already doing—lmao, scratch that, I would call my partner, just to hear their voice one last time and I would call all my friends, too. Whenever I see this question and I start spilling answers, I try to slow down and ask myself if the things I'm mentioning now are things I'm currently not doing and I'm mentioning them just because I know it will be my last day? Why am I not doing them now? Why wait till I'm dying or it's the last time?

I have a very weird relationship with friendship and how much I am supposed to do/give, but I won't get into it now. So, on second thought, I would probably spend most of the time wondering if they would care that I'm calling them on my last day and if these people are friends with me as I am friends with them. So, I might end up not doing it. Please, don't look at me like that, it's a struggle. See, I don't want to be an idiot gyal.

I'm pretty sure from my previous replies you should already know a bit about my relationship with my parents, but if it's not clear, don't worry, we can always talk about it some other time. There's always another date. I feel really good today, although the neps are really trying to take away my happiness, but there's only so many times you can get angry when there's no light.

My heart? Haha, that's a funny question, my heart is good, although it keeps beating funny because well, I'm a little bit anxious about my exams, but it's okay. How are you feeling today? I feel good, I just wish the harmattan will go away.

Potential friendships, you say. I can be a little bit clingy and also a bit far off. You see, I constantly worry that I'm always doing too much and it's never that serious (laughs), I can't seem to shake it off. I don't want to be taken for granted, but I'm scared that I'm pushing away good people.

Most of the time, I wish I'm able to talk about these things with my friends, but like I said earlier, I worry that that is “doing too much”. Concerning what I would rather hide, I'm not sure. Maybe my darkest secrets, whatever that is. Lmao.

when did you last cry, with another person or by yourself? what’s too serious to be joked about? open up to me, leak your colors: i’ll catch them all in my palms. tell me as much about you and your life as you can in three hours: your proudest achievements, the times someone made you feel like a loser or when someone told you something that left a sour taste in your mouth though you couldn’t figure out why. tell me why you’re an insomniac and what the world looks like at 5am just before the dawn cracks like an egg; the chirping of the birds a symphony on flute. what would you like to know about the future if you were blessed with answers, and why haven’t you accomplished the goals you set out to achieve two years ago? what is your biggest fear? what’s your most treasured memory, and what do you value most in your relationships?

I've been crying a lot these days, so there's that, but I think the last time was on Thursday, it was in public. I was in school and the really tough part was someone kept trying to talk to me and I kept trying to make sure the person didn't notice, it was funny really. I don't recommend.

I think something I usually don't like people to joke about is when I talk about school and how it's affecting me, I've noticed people don't take me seriously or they just wave it off, there's only one person that I can say, from experience, that actually got me and understood where I was coming from. Sigh.

I like you, you're really sweet, you ask a lot of amazing questions, I would write them in my journal or after this date, I might take my time to write them in a Google docs and send them over to you, I've noticed that I expressed myself properly when writing than in person, there's only so much I can say without forgetting important things while talking to you in person.

I don't know who sold people the idea that people are at their most honest when you talk to them in person, it's not the same for me, I don't talk a lot and like I said earlier, I'm shy, so expecting me to just talk and talk and express myself properly in person terrifies me.

I will probably just say “I don't know” to all your questions, but then again, it's not an absolute, I still talk well, but I just need to be relaxed and be comfortable around you. Oh, no, you don't need to do anything to make me uncomfortable, I'm just like that around people. I have to consciously make myself relax, like bringing down my shoulders and not gritting my teeth. I've noticed that I do that a lot.

I particularly like your questions because they're direct, “tell me about yourself” is too vague for me, like what exactly should I tell you?! My dreams? Where I want to be in 5 years? How much I love writing? Why I hate this school? What I was obsessed with in 2016? What, exactly, do you want to know? No, don't laugh. Do you see the problem now? There's a lot of things.

My biggest fear is not living. Living a miserable life. That's why I try to make decisions that make me happy, always, decisions that I wouldn't regret. There's something Eloghosa Osunde said: “instead of asking myself if something is bad or good, I just ask myself if the consequence is something I can live with”, this is paraphrased, but that's basically it.

What I value most in relationships has to be communication. I think a lot of resentment, fights, and quarrels wouldn't happen if the two people in the relationship just communicated with each other. I try to communicate as much as possible, no matter how small it is. As long as I keep thinking about it and going back to it, I'll definitely bring it up. So, yes, communication.

Thank you so much for doing this. It's really sweet that you agreed to still go on this date even after I told you I had a partner. I really enjoyed my time here and talking with you. I hope we do this again.

Fin. I know this isn't the regular newsletter, but I was really inspired by Oriade's newsletter and I wanted to do something similar. I read it and enjoyed it and I went “I want to do something similar”, and here we are. You can read it here.

The questions are from a Medium post by Treasure. The questions are really engaging, I'm not even going to lie, but I'm glad I did this. I'm really pleased with myself.

As always, let me know what you think by sending a reply. You can also share it by clicking on “read online” at the top of the mail (if you're in the Gmail app), and sharing the link in your browser.

Don't forget to invite your friends to the newsletter! Till next time, bye!

Lastly, before you go, our anniversary is on the 10th of March, and I'm gathering anniversary questions (yes, already, it's a big event, guys). I'm starting early because I don't want to rush it and I hate being under pressure. It's our 2 year anniversary!

So, here's the link, feel free to ask me questions related to writing, books, blogging, book recommendations, book opinions, questions about myself, what you've always wanted to know, etc. Ask away!

PICTURES ARE FROM PINTEREST.