Keeping one's promises to self as an act of self love.

This will never not be funny because when I first read it, I was like, ”wait, what?, Why are we killing Igbo people?!”, I thought it was one of these hate tweets, and then later, I thought it was about not speaking Igbo in January and even at that, I was like “why?!”, it was even more wild when people were agreeing in the comment section. Apparently, it's about igbeaux.

Anyhoo, welcome to this month's newsletter, it's been a while since I wrote to you guys. The last time I wrote was in November, on the 7th, so yes, it has actually been a while.

Not much has happened though, I wrote exams and we've closed and currently, I'm on holiday, like everyone else and waiting for results, and then school will resume again. It's fun!

I don't know if you can tell that I'm being sarcastic (I am), I can't wait to finish this whole degree, I'm tired of it and I hate it and I have given up on the process.

I might feel like I haven't given up and I'm excited to do it again sometime in the future, but I need future me to know that I have and there's nothing exciting about this school and degree.

This degree has done more damage to me than good, and it's hard for me to overlook everything bad that has happened, that will be unfair to Grace of 2020, 2021, and 2023, she went through a lot. So, yes, I hate it.

Now, year in review. This is not exactly a year in review, infact, thinking about writing a year in review stressed me out so much, that was even the reason I couldn't start writing this newsletter.

The usual format for those kinds of things is to divide your life into separate parts and you know, talk about it, but I didn't want to do that. Your progress and achievements and yada yada.

I don't have a specific reason why I didn't want to do that, I just didn't want to or maybe I just don't have the words, but anyhoo, I decided to write the regular newsletter. I think I'm bringing out my own style of writing newsletters. It's not a surprise though, I'm a superstar afterall.

When I started this newsletter, I always used to ask myself; “is this something I'm supposed to do? How do I start a particular sentence? Am I supposed to be sharing this?”, but over time, it got exhausting, and I stopped and just did whatever.

Plus, everyone started liking the style, which was comforting and worrying because well, if I'm being honest, I do talk about everything that has gone bad a lot (not a lot a lot, but get the point), and it's just like, WHY DO YOU LIKE IT?! WHY DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL COMFORT?!

It reminds me of something I read this year and I think that pretty much sums everything up.

Exactly, “how good I am at writing feelings… all I hear is ‘hey Oluchukwu, thank you for describing my sadness’”, is what I was thinking about. People will say “Grace, I love the way you write, how you're able to express yourself and how you're feeling, it felt like you could see me and you're having a real conversation with me”, and I'm like, “wow, okay, that's… interesting”.

2023 was a really stupid year, I rate it a 0.5/10. There's this thing people do where they tell you to be grateful for the joys you experienced, despite the terrible things that might have happened to you, like those terrible things didn't exactly happen to you and took you to a really terrible place that probably would have ended you. I think it's dumb and we should stop doing it.

We should give people space to say exactly how they feel about a particular thing without going therapy speak on them. Another thing; allow people to complain, be angry, be sad, etc. and when I say complain, I'm not talking about the people who do it all the time and then proceed to do nothing about the problem (or if it's something they can't fix, do something else). You don't have to deal with people who complain all the time.

I saw this screenshot from my last year's year in review (you can read it here, btw) and I just decided to write about how that went. So, yes, probably last year I didn't try at all, I didn't understand friendships and I didn't intentionally try doing anything, and of course, at some point, I felt bad and sad. I even felt like the problem was me.

This year though, I did try, and before I go on, the problem with feeling like something is a you thing is that you start to over give and overcompensate and feel like everything is your fault in the first place, so no matter what they do, you're always like “it’s okay, I messed up, I will fix it”.

Whenever I noticed that I and someone were not getting along well or it feels like we are drawing apart, I always try to make up for it and start thinking “omg, is it something I did? Should I text them? Should we have some kind of call to catch up?”, all those line of thoughts, and when I do reach out to them, it's always just that I've been overthinking it or our relationship is not even like that.

I discovered this year that my biggest fear is thinking I and someone are a certain way, and then finding out that we aren't.

How that you could literally be trying your best for someone and giving your all and trying to make sure it works and you're not the bad friend, but when you manage to tell them about how their actions hurt you or try to do something about it, those same people will look at you in the eye and tell you that that they didn't ask you to do all that for them and you should have made sure that you were friends, but you can remember all those times they said you were friends and you called each other that, but then you also remember all the times there actions didn't match their words and you were the only one trying to act out that word.

I told someone one time that usually, the kind of problems I have are problems you can fix or tangible problems (hopefully, you get my point), but this year, to add to the other type of problems, I had to deal with people and relationships a lot. It was… interesting and eye-opening.

I learned that there are a lot of nuances to relationships, it's not straight forward, which is why no matter the books you read and the videos you watch, it still comes down to Gavin a talk with the other person and knowing what works for the both of you.

It's easy to want something, like for you to see a certain type of relationship and be like, yes, I want that, but to actually do the work is where it's at, and well, people don't want to do all that (and also, they don't understand that things like that take time and you have to start from somewhere).

Yes, that last part came from somewhere, because some people meet me and they're always trying to do so many things with me at once and of course, at that point, it can be really excited, but, to God, after some days, it can get exhausting.

I think the exhaustion is coming from the fact that you don't know me and what I like and what I'm like, you send me everything you find funny and every gist you see on the internet—this happens the most when you see me as this very smart person and you always want to have some kind of intellectual debate with me, and Jesus, I'm not like that o. Most of the times, I don't care about what is happening and I don't want to know.

Even though I like books, it doesn't mean I like to talk about books 24/7 or Taylor Swift, like yes, I like it when people talk about those things with me, but 24/7?!

Now, like me, you might remember what I said earlier about doing a lot of things for people and them not appreciating it, but bear in mind, that right now, I'm talking about people I barely know and before, I was talking about people I know and the relationship has been established (or not).

So, yes, relationships are tricky. I don't think there's one way to be friends with someone, but I think everything starts from knowing the person first.

Some people might not like talking on the phone, some people would really appreciate someone sending them songs all the time or writing paragraphs about something they just read, some people might appreciate it if you send them pictures throughout your day or tweets or reels or screenshots of things you find funny.

This brings me to the next thing I learned about relationships this year, you need to define what friendship means to you? And what being your friend looks like? What would someone do to make you feel loved?

Outside, the society will try to define what friendship is or what a relationship is supposed to look like, like they're all the same, but that's not true, because you might accept all that and you'll find that you're still unhappy.

That's why I think it's important to define what these things mean to you, like, would I consider someone who only calls me out for parties and we have a swell time, and that's just, and the next time I would from them is for the next party? Would I consider them my friend?

I remember something I read one time and it went something like “you might have friends for drinks, friends you only call when you're upset, friends you call when you want to travel”, and it rubbed me off the wrong way because if you're someone I call for a particular thing, you're not my friend o, you're someone I drink with (make no mistakes, I don't drink, I don't know why I keep talking about drinking).

I think I'm an “all-rounder person”, I can't keep up with a lot of people for a lot of reasons, and I don't know how to put this, but I have to have an emotional connection with someone, like it has to be there.

I'm the kind of person that will randomly just start tell you some “really deep something about myself”, I don't want to say trauma, because that's not it, but if you don't know certain things about me (this is a slippery slope, because I don't know how to put this in a way it makes sense), but I'll just assume you don't know me.

Then again, I understand that one person cannot be everything to you, but I'm just hoping that there's someone like me. Like, I can have people I can do these really specific things with, but it will also be nice to have someone I can do all these things with, to some extent.

So, yes, define what these things mean to you, so you don't live an unhappy and unfulfilling life. Sometimes, your life might not be all that miserable, but you just need to make certain changes, think: “I want XYZ, is XYZ something I can never get? Do I really have to settle for ZYX when it makes me really upset? What can I do to get XYZ?”

Another one; never settle. I also want to be cringe and say; you'll find your person.

So far, I've read 91 books this year. The goal was 100 books, but we're getting there. Or not. But anyhoo, I breathe books. What about you, if you're a reader?

I started reading The Lightning Thief in the Percy Jackson series. I love it so far, although I haven't opened it since the day I started, I'm at 33% though and I will finish it. Someday. I just want to get into the fandom and understand the memes. 😔✋🏾

I was also reading Lovelight Farms, but then, I stopped. I'll probably get back into it, probably! It's a Friends to Lovers holiday romance novel. I don't like friends to lovers, and I'm not a huge fan of holiday novels. So, I'll probably DNF it.

Here's the synopsis, in case you want to check out out:

Two best friends fake date to reach their holiday happily ever after in this first romantic comedy in the Lovelight series.

A pasture of dead trees. A hostile takeover of the Santa barn by a family of raccoons. And shipments that have mysteriously gone missing. Lovelight Farms is not the magical winter wonderland of Stella Bloom’s dreams.

In an effort to save the Christmas tree farm she’s loved since she was a kid, Stella enters a contest with Instagram-famous influencer Evelyn St. James. With the added publicity and the $100,000 cash prize, Stella might just be able to save the farm from its financial woes. There’s just one problem. To make the farm seem like a romantic destination for the holidays, she lied on her application and said she owns Lovelight Farms with her boyfriend. Only…there is no boyfriend.

Enter best friend Luka Peters. He just stopped by for some hot chocolate and somehow got a farm and a serious girlfriend in the process. But fake dating his best friend might be the best Christmas present he’s ever received.

I tried reading Someday, maybe, too, but I felt like it was always trying to create this fake depth by saying the weirdest things every 26 seconds, like something will happen and it might not be even that deep, but they will always try to make it look so.

The FMC also made me tired a lot, I found her really exhausting, like I get the situation, but reading the book made me both annoyed and tired. Just tired. At some point, I just had to ask myself why I was doing that to myself, then I DNF it.

Here's the synopsis, in case you want to check it out:

Here are three things you should know about my husband:

He was the great love of my life despite his penchant for going incommunicado.

He was, as far as I and everyone else could tell, perfectly happy. Which is significant because...

On New Year's Eve, he committed suicide.

And here is one thing you should know about me:

I found him.

Bonus fact: No. I am not okay.

A stunning and witty debut novel about a young woman's emotional journey through unimaginable loss, pulled along by her tight-knit Nigerian family, a posse of new friends, and the love and laughter she shared with her husband.

There's this quote I really liked though, it was what made me read the book in the first place, and it held me on a particular day when I had cried my eyes out, so even though I didn't finish the book, I still think the quote was amazing.

For the beginning of the new year, I want to read Vagabonds! By Eloghosa Osunde And Dear Senthuran by Akwaeke Emezi, because why not?

I'm going to be doing this reading challenge in 2024 and I think you should too. I mean, look at the prompts! Yes, the prompts might look scary, but it's also scaring me too, it's outside of my comfort zone, but baby, what is life about if not about stepping out of your comfort zone?

To keep up with the challenge and track your reading, you should download Storygraph, the prompts are there as a reading challenge (it's a feature on Storygraph) and you get book recommendations for each prompt without having to look for them yourself.

When you download Storygraph, do well to send a request/follow me, here's my link:

https://app.thestorygraph.com/profile/graceiderima

My friend, R, created a playlist for me. I really liked it a lot. I think I understand why people say their love language is making playlist for people they care about.

This reminded me of something someone said to me recently:

Anyhoo, moving on. I really love the playlist R put together for me. I listened to it throughout the time I was writing exams, it gave me some form of comfort, like they were there. With me. In real time.

I particularly love that first song, Cowboys by Charlotte Lawrence, I had to listen to it 2 times to like it. There were some other artists I noticed and I like now because of the playlist, like; Alec Benjamin, Little Mix, James Arthur, and Faouzia. Especially Faouzia!

There was a particular song R added to the playlist; Thick and Thin, and I really loved it, the lyrics made me tear up (a little! And I'm soft, please).

The first time I read this, it made me tear up. Everything he said was so relatable, so I get to feature it in this segment of the newsletter. Micheal is an amazing storyteller.

Here's an excerpt from the newsletter:

This particular part really shifted something inside me, especially as this was me throughout this year. I was so scared, so tired, and so anxious. It was terrible and tiring.

Here's another part from the newsletter that really resonated with me:

Here's the link: https://open.substack.com/pub/theerclub/p/issue-20-but-we-cannot-simply-sit?r=rarjs&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=email

🧚🏾‍♀️ Here's my wrap up post for 2023, I talked about my top 23 books and plans for the blog. At this point, I had only read 89 books.

Link: https://graceandbooks.wordpress.com/2023/12/21/2023-book-wrap-up-ft-my-top-23-books/

🧚🏾‍♀️ I read The Flatshare by Beth O'Leary and wrote a review on it. Spoiler: I loved it, so it's an amazing review.

Here's the link: https://graceandbooks.wordpress.com/2023/12/26/book-review-the-flatshare-by-beth-oleary/

🧚🏾‍♀️ I made a bookstagram post too for the review, do check it out: https://www.instagram.com/p/C1T5j_aojzV/?igsh=MjJkMmIyYzQxYw==

🧚🏾‍♀️ Reading for me is like submerging myself into a world or a reality different from the one I'm in — An Interview With Sharon

Link: https://graceandbooks.wordpress.com/2023/11/14/reading-for-me-is-like-submerging-myself-into-a-world-or-a-reality-different-from-the-one-im-in-an-interview-with-sharon/

🧚🏾‍♀️ Just like all art, reading can be experienced without feeling anything — An Interview With Chinwendu

Link: https://graceandbooks.wordpress.com/2023/11/21/just-like-all-art-reading-can-be-experienced-without-feeling-anything-an-interview-with-chinwendu/

🧚🏾‍♀️ I particularly enjoy books that make me feel heavy emotions and introspect — An Interview With Amba

Link: https://graceandbooks.wordpress.com/2023/11/28/an-interview-with-amba/

I've already put together plans for the blog and newsletter in 2024. I'll be launching two new things, it's not like a grand thing or whatever (this is not me trying to belittle what I'm working on), it's just a new segment.

I can't wait to share it when the time comes, it's scary and I'm scared, but I will do it.

One thing I'm already doing concerning all my plans is to break them into smaller manageable bits. For example; I know that I don't like designing on canva and having to design on a fresh sheet makes me really overwhelmed and not want to do it at all, even though I really have to, so I've started making templates, so when the time comes, all I have to do is edit, make a few tweaks if I want to, and I'm good to go.

There's also creating a date for everything and making some kind of content calendar, so I know when something is supposed to go out, and not get worked up over trying to know if I wrote a blog post that month or not.

Anyhoo, there will, of course, be newsletters every month. This year I managed to send out a newsletter every month and even for 4 weeks during the month leading to my birthday.

So, yes, there will be newsletters as usual and the new project I'll be launching then. For the blog, there will also be book reviews, book recommendations, wrap up posts, TBR posts, bookworm interviews, writer interviews, and author interviews.

I noticed that I didn't do a lot of writer interviews this year. Authors too. I will, next year.

Another hack I figured out for these interviews is making a list of everyone I want on the blog next year (🙈) and drafting the document and questions, so when it's time, all I have to do is ask them and yada yada, we are good to go.

I also want to start using Netgalley actively, so I get to read and review books that haven't been released yet.

No, I won't get paid for the reviews, I just want to, especially as I want to read more books AND review them (I'm lying, I'm trying to make a BIG space for myself in the literary world).

To be very honest, I don't have a real reason for doing anything I do, it's just instinct and gut feeling, and it hasn't exactly led me astray, like, there are things I've dropped, yes, but they were actually for my own good and if I hadn't done them, I would have spent my entire life wondering what it would have been like to do them.

There's something that has been coming to mind as I'm preparing for 2024, “consistency enlarges ability”, it reminds me to savour the process and think about what I'm getting from it, rather than “where I'm supposed to be”, wherever that is. I'm also going to keep Salem King's words in mind. Especially number 3.

I read somewhere that an act of self love is telling yourself you will do a particular thing and going ahead with it, keeping your promises to yourself.

So, whatever you decide 2024 means to you and you want to do in 2024, do it with reckless abandon and keep the promise you’re making to yourself concerning 2024.

Whatever promises you're making to yourself, make sure it's personal to you and it's something you really want to do, and not just something you're adding to your list because everyone else is.

You don't have to suddenly start going to the gym, if it's something you really don't want to do. Also, sometimes, you just need to continue the work you're already doing. And if your only plan for 2024 is to rest and do nothing, please, by all means, do that. I also think 2023 was for me to rest, although I wrestled with that idea a lot.

I really want to laugh a lot in 2024 and live, and I will. I pray we all have a peaceful last few days of 2023 and an amazing 2024; with joy, happiness, and the strength to go through pain.

Thank you for sticking with me this year, let's do it again next year! 💜

🧚🏾‍♀️ Read the Blog.

Link: https://graceandbooks.wordpress.com/

🧚🏾‍♀️ Invite someone to the newsletter.

Link: https://graceandbooks.beehiiv.com/subscribe

🧚🏾‍♀️ Follow the bookstagram.

Link: https://www.instagram.com/graceandbooks_?igshid=MmVlMjlkMTBhMg==

🧚🏾‍♀️ Follow us on X (formerly Twitter).

Link: https://x.com/_graceandbooks?t=YBHW32XjHdeYvyN-wlls_w&s=09

🧚🏾‍♀️ If you're feeling generous, show some love using selar.

It's a new feature on selar where people can send tips to their favourite creators, like buy me a coffee. Or maybe I should call it buy me a book. Moving forward, that will be the name!

You can not send more than NGN2,000 and there are a lot of options for transferring money, so I think it's really cool, especially for creators who have always wanted to use the buy me a coffee feature (it's not available for Nigerians) or monetize their work to some extent.

So, yeah. Here's my link: https://selar.co/showlove/graceiderima

Bye!

Sidenote: if my mails made any impact on you this year or there was a particular one that just did it for you and you would love to share, do well to let me know by leaving a message/sending a reply. Or you can just chat to me about your new year plans or how the holiday is going for you.