I mean, think about this, if you don't try, what else will you do?

Regular programming.

This might be funny, but I'm beginning to not like Sundays so much. Why? There's always this optimism and hope that comes with it, as per, the beginning of a new week. It makes me so angry. Like, last week, I hoped and prayed that it was going to be better, but nothing happened, and you are telling me to do it again?! It's really exhausting.

According to my digital journal (Daylio), last week was a 1.4 out of 5, which in journal term is really bad. The highest I've ever gotten is a 4.0 though. I think to get more than that I have to have several rad times in a week, and I get rad times like 5 times a year. It's really funny.

Last week was a lot. I broke down a lot, and in the words of someone, I got to the end of myself. I was really tired, and I also think I have a crying in public kink. I can't remember what happened, but one minute I was okay, and the next minute, I felt tears gathering in my eyes.

I kept telling myself “don’t do this, Grace, do you have a crying in public kink?”. Of course, nobody noticed it, the trick is (if you wear glasses like me), just pretend that your eyes are irritating you and just start scratching it and then you clean it. It will just be one of those “eye problem things”.

I'm not done writing my exams and I won't even be done this week funny enough, they keep moving the exams and it's honestly one of the things that made me so tired. Like, I was so tired, I think I've really given up on this degree and school. Nothing makes sense to me anymore, but it's not like I can just not do it anymore, because, well, what else will I do?

I'm starting lectures tomorrow though, in a class I'm technically not in yet—do you see how insensitive and dumb these people are? People are writing exams and you're already fixing classes for a new session, talmbout “there is no time”, shey it's my fault that there's no time? Anyhoo, I've learned not to think about this school too much.

I almost didn't go to church today, I was already having a not so good day, and in my head, going to church was just allowing them to bombard me with hope again and tell me that things are going to be better (when?! I need time and date!).

I ended up going to church and once again, I allowed them to get to me. I would go into the details, but this is neither the time nor place, so I'll leave it at that.

I understand that hope can be exhausting, but it's not necessarily a bad thing. Life is about trying again and having hope, “maybe it will work out this time”, “maybe I should try again”.

I read something one time that the worst thing that can ever happen to you is losing your hope and will to try again. Of course, when things go bad, it's okay to pause and cry, but after crying, move (or you can just do both).

Give yourself space to cry and unravel, and then try again. I mean, think about this, if you don't try, what else will you do? We are always moving, I think.

It's funny, but I always try, and it really disgusts me sometimes, it makes me so angry, but that's me, I guess.

There's this thing I said one time on this newsletter, “even if I dey cry, make I cry dey go front”, and there's this other thing that keeps coming to mind from one of Oríadé's newsletters, “But we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever. We must stand up and move on to the next action”, and that's what I tried to do last week, and I'm taking it into this week (again).

I was part of this meeting last week where everyone was talking about the economy and you know, how that is affecting their minds and hope and all that, and something that really stood out was how everyone agreed that spending less time on social media really helps.

I currently don't have X (formerly Twitter) on my phone. Why? There's always something going wrong somewhere and it seems like there are just people that enjoy being preachers of doom. Like, there are certain occasions that I honestly believe that ignorance is bliss. I don't want to know. I don't have to know.

It's not just X, on WhatsApp too, I've noticed that there are certain people that if something goes wrong somewhere, you'll first see it on their status, and I understand that sometimes you're passing information, but omg, I wonder if they have ever stopped to ask themselves, “why am I passing this information? Is it to spread fear? What will people do with this information? Don't people have enough trouble already?”, no, seriously. Some people can be really weird and you should protect your peace. Mute. Block. Delete.

Books.

I've been reading Breasts and Eggs by Mieko Kawakami, and let's just say it wasn't what I expected, but I'll give a full review in bookstagram when I'm done. It's a bit slow paced, so even though it's a short book, it's taking me a while to finish.

I also recently finished some books in the Bridgerton series; Daphne and Hastings’ story and Eloise and Philip's story. I've been thinking about reading Colin and Penelope's story after seeing the trailer on YouTube. Apparently, the movie is coming out, so I might check it out. If you follow my bookstagram, you'll know why I'm hesitant about reading any of the male bridgerton stories.

I also read a little bit of Vagabonds! by Eloghosa Osunde this week. Vagabonds! grounds me, I can't explain it.

I'm looking for cheesy, interesting, sweet, spicy romance to read sha, 😭. I tried reading The Sweetest Oblivion by Danielle Lori, and hm, let's just say I'm judging the people that have read that book and enjoyed it.

I also picked up The Groomer by Jon Athan, and it was, well, I don't know. From the name, I think it's quite obvious what it's about, but it was too gloomy for me. I just want to laugh and cry at sweet romance, is that too much to ask for? Or a good book at all. Sigh.

Music.

I've been listening to an Indie mix on Spotify, and it's really good. Now I'm wondering, are indie musicians independent artists like the writers or is it a certain genre of music?

I didn't discover any new music/artiste this week, or rather, none actually held my interest, but anyhoo, Taylor Swift is releasing an album in April, so I'm looking forward to that.

Movies/Random Videos.

I didn't watch any movie this week, but I was tempted so many times to renew my Netflix subscription, but I knew it was just going to be a waste of money again, so I didn't even bother.

Whenever I want to watch something, I go to Alex Meyer's channel on YouTube. He does reviews of movies and he's so hilarious. This week, I watched the review for the new Wonka movie and Sierra Burgess is a loser (this movie is so dumb).

Gracie's Recommendations.

I recently read this article and I think you should read it too. Apparently, it was written as a response to the article his wife (who is now dead) wrote. Maybe I'll read it and share it next week.

✨ My Wife Said You Want To Marry Me.

Excerpts:

🌟 “Here is your empty space. What will you do with your own fresh start?”

🌟 “Instead, as she described, we followed Plan “Be,” which was about being present in our lives because time was running short. So we did our best to live in the moment until we had no more moments left.”

Parting note.

I really hope you have an amazing week and you allow yourself to hope and try again, I mean, what else is there to do? Try as much as possible to spark joy, sleep, and touch grass.

You can share this newsletter by clicking on “read online” at the top of the mail (if you're in the Gmail app), and sharing the link in your browser. Or if you're already in your browser, just copy the link there and share (and just so you don't miss subsequent newsletters, click here to subscribe if you're not subscribed).

Do well to send a reply, if you want, I'll definitely reply. Till next time, bye!

P.S. I struggled a lot with Beehiiv today, so things might not look as they should.