Moving, not thinking, and how fleeting the present is.

Hello, hello. How are you doing? I hope you're doing well. In the last mail, I noticed that I didn't ask about your well-being, so I decided to do some form of check-in today. Do let me know how you're doing by replying to this mail.

Also, to everyone who always takes out time to send a reply, you're amazing. Like I've said before, I love reading your replies, especially when you write about what stood out to you and why, it's always so… touching—for lack of a better word. Thank you.

Now, about my week. Well, this week was fast. One minute, I was panicking and thinking about how I wouldn't be able to survive the week because I was so tired at the beginning of the week, and the next minute, it's Friday and I just realised that I shouldn't have panicked so much. These days, I've been telling myself to relax and take things one step at a time. I worry too much.

One thing I've noticed about myself is that I think too much, which is why I was actually glad when someone asked me how I was doing this week and I said I was just moving and not thinking and it wasn't bad. It means I've been thinking less (to an extent).

This week, I was just moving and not thinking. Of course, there were moments where I allowed myself to think too much about a certain thing and allow it to eat me up so much, but still, I thought less this week and just moved.

One thing that stood out to me this week was how time just moves and everything is just in constant motion. Let me explain. At various points in this week, there was something that made me anxious and made me break my promise of not thinking too much, like the presentation I had on Monday, the test I wrote, the assignment and manual and assignment that I had to fill/and do that I hadn't started till the morning of the deadline, and now, they don't exactly matter anymore, as in, they are no longer making me anxious, it's just passed. I'm here and it's in the past.

It's amazing and it reminds me of something I read one time, “don’t borrow grief from the future”, whether I worry in the present or not, whatever wants to happen will happen, so why not live in the now and deal with what happens when it comes?

No, I'm not telling you to be careless, what I'm saying is, it's more reasonable to do what you can do now and not think too much about a situation that hasn't happened yet, than think too much about it and grieve it two times (or many times).

This whole thing about time passing also reminds me of past hurts, things I thought were so bad and terrible, but now they don't exactly matter. They don't even matter. The craziest part is when it comes to people, I probably don't even talk to some of the people right now that made me think a lot in the past. True true, all time does is pass.

I didn't read any book (well, apart from my school things) this week, I have given up and turned to other things, however, I decided I'm going to read Atomic Habits, whether it's 10 pages or 20 pages everyday, I'll read it. I want to change my life and Atomic Habits is supposed to be life-changing and help you form better habits.

I think the reason I haven't been able to read any book is that I haven't found any book that has caught my interest and held it, and now that I've said this, I might just be in a reading slump. Oh, well. What a wicked world.

Anyhoo, watch out, when I start reading Atomic Habits, I'll be sharing notes here, something something accountability.

I finished watching Little Women and let's just say I found it disappointing. it was good at the beginning until it wasn't. It had a nice storyline going on and then they added another one and then another one, and at the end, they didn't address a lot of things and some things just didn't make sense.

I found the younger sister really annoying, because now that I think about it, a lot of their problems would have been solved if they just stopped talking with the family. I give it a 3/10.

Moving on, I'm currently watching Mr. Queen, it's a Kdrama too. I watched a video edit of it on YouTube and I found it really hilarious and I decided to check it out. I just finished watching episode 1 and I love it! I honestly don't mind spoilers in movies, tbvh, spoilers will make me want to watch it, but not to a large extent, please. I just wouldn't mind if you tell me the story.

It's really amazing that I'm turning to Kdrama now that I'm in a reading slump (cries), it seems like I always need to bury myself in something (🤭).

I recently just realised that I listen to Mind Over Matter by Young The Giant as a form of comfort. Infact, right now, it's my comfort song, and the reason why is quite simple. I put it in a playlist I made for my partner earlier this year and they really liked it and said something that always comes to mind when I listen to it, so whenever I'm down, I tend to listen to the song a lot. And it's actually a good song.

There's this line that goes something like, and if the world don't break, I'll be shaking it. I'm not sure what it means exactly, but it's my favourite line to sing. Also, I missed that train, New York City, it rains!, again, I don't know why I like that line. It's just really fun to sing, I guess.

And because we've known each other, I'm going to share a secret with you. It's one of my darkest secrets, actually. I… I… listen to Shallipopi and Odumudublvck and I… I… enjoy it. Please.

If you ask me why, I don't know, I honestly don't know why I enjoy listening to those people. The songs are just really fun to listen to, although some of them are cringe, but still fun. You can say it's a form of guilty pleasure.

💕 This newsletter from Oríadé that reminded me of why I write. I'm not even going to lie, I look forward to this newsletter every Sunday.

Documenting my evolution is such a beautiful way to describe why one writes about things and even keep a newsletter like this one, and it strengthened my resolve to do several things. Like participating in a creative nonfiction workshop and being part of a writing residency, sharpening my writing skill, and of course, keep writing this newsletter. Read the newsletter!

💕 One of the reasons why X will always be a W app to me is because of the fact that I can easily access articles/blog posts/newsletters. It's so easy to find something someone wrote and people share beautiful things on there.

I didn't find this one on X though, I just wanted to say what I said (🌚). I found it on medium, since I can't read a full book, I'm reading blog posts. I want to read short stories this week too.

This one was fun to read, you can read it here. I must admit, I enjoy reading about people's experiences a lot.

💕 This one from Simi. Simi is someone that really inspires, she's an amazing writer and really creative. I don't read from her a lot, but I happened to find this one on medium too, and it really touched something in me. Read it here.

💕 I read Reality Is Plasticine by Eloghosa Osunde again! Unlike the previous times, my main takeaway was something totally different. This essay has been on my mind for a while, but I was scared of reading it because I didn't want to allow myself to hope and dream, only to have it shatter again. I've…. I… I… have just been dreaming small or allowing myself to hope so much (😅), it's terrible, but it's where I'm at right now, and it's no surprise given what has happened in the past one year.

Anyhoo, I read it, and my main takeaway this time was about the fact that I'm really my own best thing, I should protect myself, and stop looking outside and at “other people” so much (when I find “other people”, we'll have a chat about why I seem to compare myself with them so much).

My highlights:

✨ “It’s up to you, says the glowing instruction, choose the life and lens you can survive.”

✨ “I told her that when I couldn’t see my way into the life I wanted, I wrote it down, I vision-boarded it using photographs and films and paintings like she taught me.”

✨ “The truth is: to survive the world and what it does, I do not live in it. I live inside the apartment I love, which might as well be anywhere, inside the love I’m choosing, inside God, inside art…”

Read the essay here!

Alright, that's all for this week! How did your week go? How did you spark joy this week? You can send a reply to this mail and if you're reading on your browser, you can send a reply to my mail; [email protected].

I really hope you have a joy-filled week (next week) and that you learn to live in the present and not borrow grief from the future! Remember, 화이팅!

Bye!

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