On being qualified to be in a room or not.

First things first,

I saw my results on Tuesday. Tuesday evening. Throughout that day I was so anxious, I kept thinking about it and I wouldn't just stop. At some point, I think I became restless. I knew the results were going to come out that day because I went to school for a class the previous day and someone in my class said so.

I think I spent too much time wishing, hoping, and praying that I'm in this class that now that I'm here, I don't know how to “act”, I can't even believe this is my class. I spent too much time thinking about the exams that I don't know what to do now that I made it.

I remember a tweet one time that said something along the lines of how it's useless to wonder if you're qualified to be in a particular room when you're already in the room, instead it's more useful to start doing what is expected of members of the room, and that's what I'm going to do.

It doesn't matter whether, in my head, I think I'm not qualified to be here, what's important is that I'm here and I have to do what is required of me, which is, ✨be a superstar ✨. Also, remember, Conman syndrome, guys. Conman syndrome.

We've started lectures and I don't know if you remember, but I said something one time about how apparently, 400 level is the hardest class, and well, lecturers keep hammering on that, and it's just—I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with the information.

This semester we're offering 13 courses, let me come again, 13 BULKY courses and we have just March and April to learn and write tests and do practicals. We're starting exams in May.

I'm trying not to think about the workload or what they keep saying about the level I'm in and just take it one day at a time, and spark joy as much as possible.

One thing I've realised in this Faculty is that it just keeps taking and taking from you, and if you're not careful, you'll turn into a shadow of yourself, and really ✨ depressed ✨. It really pays to take your time into your own hands and just try your best. Touch grass when you can and breathe, and I don't think this advice is just for people in my faculty, but everyone attending a federal university in Nigeria.

Also, know what works for you, you're not ✨other people✨—this is for myself, I seem to like comparing myself with ✨other people✨ a lot.  

Something I like to say randomly to say myself every now and then is “화이팅!”, it's pronounced “fighting!”, if you're someone who's a huge fan of Kdrama, you'll know that it roughly translates to “you can do it!”. It's like a form of encouragement or motivation.

There was this particular translation I saw on internet that made it personal to me; “remain enthusiastic, remain spirited”, so even though I'm so tired but there's still work to be done, or I feel down about something maybe due to the volume or circumstances surrounding it, I just tell myself “화이팅” and do it as much as I can, even though I don't want to.

So, for the new week, I leave you with “화이팅!”. Whenever you want to give up, remember I'm somewhere telling you “화이팅!; remain enthusiastic, you can do it! I'm rooting for you.

I didn't really read much this week, all I read this week was Manga. I read Sweat and Soap by Kintetsu Yamada, all 11 volumes of it. I started it on Monday, when I finally figured out the Manga reading app.

It's a bit (maybe more than a bit) weird and the main trope was insta love. Normally, I shouldn't like this manga because the whole premise was kinda disturbing, but I was ✨depressed and anxious✨ when I was reading it, so as long as I was entertained, it was good. I wrote and posted a review on my bookstagram, check it out here.

I also finally finished reading Anne Of Green Gables by L. M. Montgomery and it was alright. I wasn't expecting the ending though. I don't think I'll be writing a review for it right now, I'm too tired to do that, and since I've been reading it for more than 6 months now, I can't exactly remember some key parts.

For Women's History Month, I decided I was going to read 3 of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's books; We Should All Be Feminists, Dear Ijewaele, and The Thing Around Your Neck. It's been long I read these books, I think I first read the first two in 2020 or 2021, and then I read The Thing Around Your Neck in 2022, it was for a bookclub (might be one of the best books I've read in the book club—this is my truth ✋🏾😌✋🏾).

I finished reading We Should All Be Feminists again, and I'm not sure I need to say anything more about the book, it's in the title, the book is a modified version of one of her Ted talks, so if you're someone who have listened to her Ted talks, this will be familiar to you, but if you've not read it, PICK IT UP NOW!

I didn't make any progress with Breasts And Eggs this week, but we'll see what I can do next week. I also started a new book, Riptide by Catherine Coulter. It's an FBI thriller. I've not gotten to the thrilling part yet, but it's interesting so far, I'm on page 30 or so.

Today's recommendation is a medium post I wrote some time ago. I don't write on Medium anymore, but after reading this post again on Thursday, it resonated with me. It's one of my favourite things about writing, the ability to freeze time, feelings, and experiences. You can read the medium post here.

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I hope you had a wonderful week and as always, you can write back to me and let me know what's going on with you, what you've been up to, and also, your key takeaways from this newsletter—it really makes me excited when people write back to me telling me about something that resonated with them from the newsletter.

Till next week, bye!

Don't forget, you can share this newsletter by clicking “read online” and sharing the link that shows up in your browser. Also, tomorrow's our 2 year anniversary! 🤭