Regular programming.
Thursday, April 9.
Hi. How are you doing? The first thing I want you to do for me today is to share the newsletter. I don't do any form of promotion except post it on my WhatsApp status and that's just like reminding everyone to read it. Everyone that views my status is already subscribed and if they're not subscribed by now, they couldn't give half a fuck. So, PLEASE!
That's the only thing I want you to do for me, actually. See, I'm not asking for too much. You might be wondering; why am I getting a newsletter this week when there was a newsletter just last week? Routine and documentation, darling.
I just want to write, and these days, all I do is go to work and watch TikTok during my free time. Watch movies here and there and even read too, but I've observed that I do better when I'm writing this newsletter and talking about my week. It worked when I was in school and I'm hoping it will work now.
I'm currently at home, I close by 4pm and I get home before 4:30pm, so you see, I actually have a handful of time during the weekdays. Sadly, I'm working this weekend and it's a 12 hour shift. I'm NOT looking forward to it, but it has to be done and if I'm being honest, time actually flies by pretty fast. And it's not heavy duty work, so it's not that bad. It's like I'm chilling in a place I would rather not be in and I can't sleep if I want to.
Let me tell you what I've been up to this week though (aside from work), I visited two galleries; Rele gallery and Dada gallery. The first one was at Thompson avenue, which wasn't so close to my workplace and wasn't so far either. The gallery was in a “private” area, it was so quiet and chill.
I had to walk a lot because I didn't understand the map and I kept asking everyone for directions. I almost ordered a bolt until I found out that I could actually just enter bike, which was a surprise given the area I was in.
I digress. Rele gallery. I would rate the experience a 5/10 simply because the manager was just standing there. It made me so uncomfortable. I understand wanting to prevent anyone from tampering or touching anything, but you don't have to stand right there.
It was a bit awkward for me. I enjoyed looking at the exhibitions though, no single thought was formed lmao. This is why I say art viewings are pretentious; what are we looking at? Why are you drawing any conclusions from this painting? It's just a painting. Or not. I guess the fun part is forming your own interpretations of the art pieces.
I will still go back though. Now, Dada gallery. I enjoyed being at this one, I would give it a 10/10. It was close to where I was coming from, Google maps was doing its job, I loved the space, the manager just sat there and welcomed me, she didn't follow me everywhere I went and the art pieces were nice. I will attach the pictures in the photo gallery section, but you can see more of them from this TikTok post I made.
I wasn't able to attach the pictures to the newsletter, sorry.
Being by myself has made me realise how I don't even think about certain things and how I'm supposed to think about them now, everything is my responsibility. Two things that come to my mind now: making my hair and filling gas. Especially filling gas. It just recently occurred to me that if my gas finishes, I'm responsible for filling it. Bro. I have to think about getting my hair done too. If my soap finishes, I have to get a new one myself.
All these things are new to me, seriously. I was talking with my project supervisor (I should think of a better way to refer to him, since he’s no longer my project supervisor) today and we were talking about how I went from living with my parents all my life to just being in a new environment by myself. I have different environmental shocks everyday. Currently, I'm thinking about buying a frying pan and a new pot. My iron stopped working. I also need to buy a blender.
Also, I'm sick. I have a sore throat and a little fever, I have to buy drugs for myself too. Most importantly, I realised that if this internship year finishes, I'm responsible for figuring out what I want to do after, where I will stay—basically, what will happen next. That's crazy. I'm just a baby. But I will figure it out, trust.
I think I'm even overthinking it, because it's not even up to one month yet. One thing my supervisor kept saying was that I should enjoy the moment (while keeping other things in my mind, of course) and be present, that's how the figuring out will happen. It won't happen by overthinking everything and so, that's what I will do.
Books.
I'm still reading Madonna in a fur coat by Sabahattin Ali, but I will finish it this week. That's exactly why I started this week's newsletter, it will make me finish (🙈).
Saturday, April 11.
I finally finished the book, it had such a sweet and sad ending.
“I love you … not madly, but I love you with a clear mind”
"It was only my loneliness that ate at me, and it was this same loneliness that led me to betray myself in myriad ways.”
"When misfortune visits those who once walked alongside us, we do tend to feel relief, almost as if we believe we have ourselves been spared, and as we come to convince ourselves that they are suffering in our stead, we feel for these wretched creatures.”
"Indeed, he was rather ordinary, with no distinguishing features – no different from the hundreds of others we meet and fail to notice in the course of a normal day. Indeed, there was no part of his life – public or private – that might give rise to curiosity. He was, in the end, the sort of man who causes us to ask ourselves: ‘What do they live for? What do they find in life? What logic compels them to keep breathing? What philosophy drives them, as they wander the earth?’”
"But now, how desperately I need a confidant. What else is there left for me, but to spill out these words and then drown in them? Oh, Maria, why can’t we sit by the window and talk? Why can’t we open our hearts and souls to each other, as we walk together in silence on a windy autumn evening? Oh, why aren’t you here with me?”
"The pain of losing something precious – be it earthly happiness or material wealth – can be forgotten over time. But our missed opportunities never leave us, and every time they come back to haunt us, we ache. Or perhaps what haunts us is that nagging thought that things might have turned out differently. Because without that thought, we would put it down to fate and accept it.”
"Had someone asked me if my father had been a good man, I would have been at a loss for words. For I had never been close enough to know how good or bad he was. It was hard even to think of him as a real person: for me he had always been an abstract idea. A father. A bald man with a round grey beard who came home every evening in frowning silence. Who saw no reason why he should pay the slightest attention to his children, or to our mother. “
"Then one day it all came to an end … It was that simple, it ended so abruptly that I failed to grasp the enormity of what had happened … I was only a little surprised, but deeply saddened; and I would never have thought that such an event would leave such a great and lasting effect on me.”
See you next week, bye x. 💕
