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- Week 51: Welcome to the last newsletter of the year.
Week 51: Welcome to the last newsletter of the year.
Merry Christmas and Happy new year in advance. Plus regular programming x.
Grace Iderima
December 20, 2025
Regular programming.
Sunday, December 14.
I feel happy today, I was happy yesterday too. It felt so good to be laughing and not thinking about everything that's going on. Just being so immersed in fun conversation and being present.
I went to church today and it wasn't as long as I thought it would be. You see, it was the thanksgiving service and it's usually so long, but this one wasn't. Or I just didn't notice time flying by so fast. I was just in my own world. It felt good.
When I got back, I started watching Pride and Prejudice, then I fell asleep while watching it. Most likely because it started raining.
Oh, I didn't mention, I attended a book fair yesterday and I got a couple of books. While looking around, I noticed that I was looking for authors I've heard of, instead of the less popular authors who actually had good books. I don't know what clicked, but I suddenly realised how much more authors I actually haven't read or even know about. The books that exist by these authors.
These are the books I got yesterday. I'm really excited to read them, although I already have a list of books I want to read this month, so I'm a bit upset that my plan is getting scattered, but oh well. There can never be more than enough books.
This was me at the book fair yesterday.
This was me today in church. I took a handful of pictures today.
I'm standing in front of the church but within the church compound. My siblings and I were waiting for my cousin, so we decided to kill time. Poor time.
This was me after church, I hadn't eaten or changed out of my clothes yet. I was just lying down and listening to my cousin and siblings talk.
It's 5:10pm, so the day is technically still young. I'm going to continue watching Pride and Prejudice, read the book I started on Friday—The Mad Wife by Meagan Church, and play Sudoku.
I started playing Sudoku last week, I think. In this app, I'm at the ‘easy’ level and I'm trying to get my completion to 80% and decrease my best time (the number of minutes it takes me to complete one puzzle) to 3:00 before I move to the next level—medium.
I'm almost there, I just need to get my completion (the number of games I start that I'm able to complete) to 80%.
For now, I play it for 30 minutes in the morning, after I journal, and then for 30 minutes in the evening, like a winding down routine. Let me know if you also play or if you have any other mobile game you're into.
I used to play the flow game until I got bored and then the bottle game where you pour different colours into different bottles until it's complete and full.
Wednesday, December 17.
It's 9:30am. I'm writing this morning because I'm already spiralling. I don't want to think; I just want to do anything but think about anything. Things have changed that are way beyond my control, and it's hard for me to get behind that. Who knows? By the time I send this out (if I'm able to), it might even change even more. Per my luck with these things.
I've been playing Sudoku since I woke up, I woke up by 7:30am or so. I journalled a bit and just jumped into it. I'm going to do my chores now and continue reading. My plan for today is to read, play Sudoku, and sleep.
I started using a new app. I noticed that the other app I was using to play didn't let me erase stuff which made it hard to solve the puzzle faster. It didn't help my thought process.
One thing I've noticed while playing is that I always find it frustrating when I find out I've made a mistake and to fix it, I have to change what I've done before in other blocks. It's almost like I should just throw everything away and start all over, infact, I realised that I would rather just do that than start trying to find out where I got it wrong.
I finally moved to the ‘medium’ level and I managed to complete two games, but for some weird reason, I hit a block. Bro, I spent 52 minutes or so trying to figure it out.
It was just two numbers, it was so frustrating. It was at that point that I actually went to bed. When I woke up this morning, I went on YouTube, then I found out that my method of solving the puzzles was… not it. It's no surprise I run into the problems I do while playing. Lmao. It was so shocking to me. Also, I realised that it was completely normal to spend more than 10 minutes solving a puzzle. Leave it to me to try to be a pro at something I just started.
This was earlier when I didn't know how much it would take to finish the puzzle.
I took a screenshot of the stats from the old app before I deleted it. This is why I was so shocked I was spending so much time on the puzzle from earlier. It took me less than 5 minutes to solve the first two. It was then I realised I was there for serious business (😞).
The new app I'm currently using.
Friday, December 19.
Today is an awfully slow day, it's 12:39PM and I'm already tired. The worst part is, I don't want to watch or read anything. I just want to sleep, but there's only so many times you can fall asleep in a row.
I'm not even sure what I want to do right now, my head is blank, so I don't know what to write. I had an argument with someone earlier, so it's still messing with my head. I'm also waiting for a bit of news which will determine, well, a lot, so that's also messing with my head. I feel tired.
Even though I know the science aspect, it still amazes that your menstrual cycle can affect you so much. Sometime last year, I was really determined to plan my life in a way that fits my energy levels throughout my cycle.
Most importantly, emotions. I tend to be very sensitive to things during a particular time, so I told myself that I wouldn't take anything seriously during that time or make serious decisions, I most likely don't mean it or it's not even as serious as I'm seeing at that point.
Let me tell you, that is so much HARDER to do than just saying it. Fine, I know that I'm most likely reacting a certain way because of where my body is at that point, but there's also a part of me that's wondering, what if I genuinely feel that way? It's like there are two wolves inside me and they won't back down.
I'm going to try to sleep again.
Saturday, December 20.
It's 1:28AM and the only explanation to why I'm awake right now is because I slept a lot in the afternoon and it's only right that I exhaust myself before I finally go to bed. I was watching TikToks, then I got bored and realised that I could just work on this newsletter so I don't have to do it when I wake up late—which will definitely happen.
Oh, yeah, the news I was waiting for finally came and I actually do feel relieved right now. My brain is doing that thing where it's looking for the next thing to be worried about, but not today, satan. I'm looking forward to just resting the remainder of the year, physically and mentally.
I hope that's your plan too.
Books.
I tried reading Me and Mr. Darcy by Alexandra Potter this week, and I really tried my best, but it just wasn't doing it for me. It's a terrible book, lmao.
I finished The Mad Wife by Meagan Church, and it's one of my favourite books of this year. It made me shed a tear or two. It's about Lulu who got pregnant and lost her baby, but she doesn't know it yet (you, as the reader, also don't know it yet) until an incident happens where you see that, oh, she's navigating grief in a very interesting way. There are also other themes associated with the book, too.
Highlights:
"As it thawed in the oven, I changed myself for the second time that day. The first time was when my breasts, so full of milk, leaked through my bra and soaked my top. Feeling the fullness starting to build again, I shoved a few tissues into my bra, hoping they would absorb a potential leak. " (no matter how many times i read about this, it's always so weird to read the next time. )
"“Ah, no, ma’am. Not this here model. Like her name says, she’s mobile. You can store her wherever you like—in the pantry there if you want. And when you’re ready, just wheel her out.”" (the dishwasher is a “her”. )
"Hatti took a breath and looked at me before answering. “I can’t complain.” But she could. We all could. The things that children do to our insides. The pressures we feel. The pain of being torn in two. Then there are the chapped nipples. The sleepless nights. The constant need to be present for this helpless child while our bodies are still healing and trying to figure out how to become their own again.”
"I put my hand atop his and smiled, but what I wanted most was to fall down into that water, let it engulf me, let my skin and bones, hair and nails, soul and spirit swirl down that drain, let it gurgle me up and flush me out to sea, to be absorbed into a mass of water so much bigger than myself.”
"What he didn’t realize was that I wanted more than a dishwasher. I wanted him to understand that without me having to tell him. At one point, he would’ve recognized that truth for himself. But time has a way of changing, a subtle, secret metamorphosis that surprises us later.”
"As we looked at each other, I wanted to crawl inside him, to peer out through those eyes of his, to see what he saw in that moment. What did the world look like through Henry Mayfield’s eyes? What did I look like, stretched out in that tub beneath the cloud of bubbles? Could he see through them? Could he see through me?”
"Sometimes forgetting is a mercy, and recalling is a pain too deep to bear. But that’s what Henry asked me to do.”
"Together does not mean sameness. He didn’t know—wouldn’t know—what it felt like inside my body and mind. He would never understand existing in a body that fought itself. He would never know the urgency to live as the clock ticked louder, faster, time suddenly having a different quality to it. He wouldn’t know what it was to be the light caught in a jar, watching the lid turn and tighten, each breath one closer to the final, last suffocating one.”
Articles, blog posts, essays, and everything else in between.
This made me feel soft. I've never taken a walk with my friends in a supermarket. I don't think I've ever taken a walk in a supermarket, generally.
Currently, I don't think I have a lot of those in where I stay. Friends, I mean. I recently realised that the few people I'm close with do not stay in Rivers State like I do. And the people who are here, we're not that close enough to do things like this. Writing this, I'm wondering if we were all in the same place, this would still happen. I have a tendency to think people always have people they're closer with than me.
Speaking of walks, I took a walk sometime last month or so. I was feeling anxious, mostly about my project work. I was on a call with someone I recently started talking to. It was fun until they had to leave the call and I ran out of breath. I should take more walks.
I did. I took a walk on Friday.
Movies, Series, YouTube, and everything in between.
I watched Pride and Prejudice (2005), but I didn't like it. I think I was “misled” on what the movie was about. I thought it would be about the romance between Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy, but it wasn't. It was about everything but that.
I couldn't even wrap my head around the little romance that existed between them (and the ending), especially the rain scene. I thought it was underwhelming, they had barely spent time with each other, how could he even say he loved her? If he had said he wanted to marry her or something, I would have understood, but love? No. There's no way.
Something I hate in romance movies is when two people are apart for a long time and they somehow meet each other by chance and all of a sudden, they want to be together because they're still in love. I can't wrap my head around it because if you liked each other like you claim to do, you'd have met them before now. I don't know, it's the intention behind it for me.
I will read the book though, maybe that's where the real action is. People wanted to have my head on WhatsApp. Poor me.
I'm still watching IT: Welcome to Derry and I want to watch Little Women, too. I'm also looking forward to watching Taylor Swift’s latest documentary about the eras tour. I mean, since I never attended the tour, this is my chance to see how everything played out. I've seen a few clips on TikTok and I can't wait for when I finally watch it.
This had really warm vibes and I loved hearing the creator talk. It was less about teaching and more about them telling you what they were working on and their process.
“it wasn't that i was over worked or wasn't getting any rest, my core issue was i didn't know or still don't know who i am without my anxiety”
My key takeaway from this video is this.
Gather round.
💕 Snapchat.
💕 TikTok.
Photo gallery.
From the subject line, you can already tell that this is the last newsletter for the year. Phew. Thank you for always reading and sending a reply when you can. You're a superstar. 💜
I wish you a joyful Christmas and a happy new year.
See you next year (on the 7th of February).
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