Hi, my fans. I was actually going to come to this newsletter and talk about how I was taking a break for a while. My laptop screen spoilt. I just opened my laptop and I saw that the screen was… well, what it was.

I cried, but after a while, I was just like, “meh.” I don't even know what I will do about it. I'm currently thinking about changing my phone (begging my parents to change it, mind you) and I can't possibly think about this one. I don't even want to fix it, I want a new laptop. This one already stresses out. That being said, invest in Grace's stocks now.

I'm currently at work, I'm on a 12 hours shift today, since it's a 2-day public holiday and there's a way it works here. I won't be going to work on Monday, and this weekend is my off weekend. I won't be going to work till Tuesday.

Right, I just remembered what I was saying about taking a break. So, I usually don't like uploading the newsletter from my phone because my phone hangs A LOT, and trying to upload takes a lot of time and sometimes, it doesn't even work.

That was why I was thinking about not writing the newsletter, but then I thought about it, I love writing the newsletter. I wouldn't be able to do without writing the newsletter. So, here we are. I persist! Sometimes, I might have to remove some sections or start the uploading process earlier or not add pictures. I’ll try.

How has this week been? Interesting. TikTok, books, films, music, my friends, and people have been keeping me together. It has just been chill. It just occurred to me yesterday that it hasn't been up to a month since I moved out of my parent's house. Sometimes, it feels like I have been here since, like this is my first default setting.

It has just been chill. I've been talking with my father for more than 15 minutes on the phone. Moving out is interesting because I don't know what I and my father would be talking about on the phone for 15 minutes before now. Or just talking, generally. Without any aim. Crazy.

It's just 4:15pm which means I have roughly 4 hours to go. Time is actually moving fast today. I took the advice from people on social media and I cook immediately I get home.

The few times I didn't do it, I somehow convinced myself that I didn't need to eat and I just went to bed without eating. Also, another thing that has been SO difficult to do is cooking in the morning before I go to work. Waking up in the morning to do that is so difficult, I just tell myself that I don't need to eat in the morning and I just go to work like that.

That's all from me. Let me know how you're doing and what you're currently up to, you don't reply my mails anymore. It makes me sad.

This was an entry from last week, I wasn't sure whether to take it out or not, so here we are.

It's 3:08pm and I actually thought it is already 4pm, I was about to pack my bag and go home. That's how tired I am right now. I've been watching Beauty in Black—currently on episode 10 (season 1) and the first thing I'm going to say is that there's always someone naked or doing a sexual activity.

I should be watching Beauty in Black right now, but Airtel is doing me dirty right now. I want to remove my hair. I want to remove my hair for a lot of reasons right now, the first one being the state of the world. I hate talking about these things—“I can't do anything to change it, so why bother”—but why is everybody fighting? Bro.

There's war everywhere. I'm supposed to make a life for myself in these conditions. I want to say everything should just blow up and let's wrap it up, but I don't even what to die. I want to keep living and see how everything goes. But everybody suddenly wants to blow the world up.

Someone was driving me home and I got to listen to the news against my wish, I heard something about how Iran is charging countries a huge amount of money before these countries can move past their country with oil (this might be a little inaccurate, I have forgotten the exact thing they said, but it's something like that) and fuel might get more expensive?! Well, fuck me.

Obviously, I'm upset, and I'm just so tired of these things. Why? Why? Why? And there's the Nigerian elections next year and everybody knows how ugly it gets. Nigeria is such an annoying place, bro.

People can die as a result of this government and nobody even remembers. I can die, my family members can die, my friends can die, and nobody in power will give a fuck. I'm talking about due to totally avoidable circumstance. The government wouldn't give a fuck. Nothing will be done. It's so sad.

This is Airtel’s fault, if there was network, I wouldn't be typing this and that's another thing. In what country does things like this happen? There's always no network and it's just normal. There's no light too. Why? I'm pretty sure these politicians nor their children or family members will ever experience life like the average Nigerian.

They will NEVER experience power outage for days or what it's like to go outside and be on edge constantly because you don't know when a group of unknown men can come out and shoot you and your body will be left on the road and your family members will not know on time. You'll just die. And it's worse when you have fucking anxiety, and can't stop making up these scenarios.

Earlier, I was thinking; I want to go back to Port Harcourt, I want to be with my family members. At least, I will be seeing them, but I'm here now and while I don't feel bad most of the time, other times, it just comes at me with full force and I just want to be in my room in Port Harcourt.

If I was there, I know exactly what I will be doing. I will probably be on my laptop because my father would have put on the gen by now. I would have just been done eating dinner or in the middle of eating.

I cried a lot on Monday, I was really stressed and upset. I had to go to Ajah after work, I missed my way, and by the time I was on my way back, it was late and I felt really alone. I came back home and I went straight to cooking—that was very adult-y of me. I had not eaten all day.

I want to get a tattoo and a piercing, a belly button piercing. The tattoo would be pretty minimalist. I will show you when I get it. It's one of the things that grounds me, it stops me from spiralling and just think about what's happening in front of me.

I'm no longer crying now, it's 8:21pm, and the night feels pretty young. I just hope the network is good now. I just remembered that I also have my Glo sim, so I can check if that one has a better service here or at my workplace—the network there is terrible, I can't watch TikToks in peace.

I took a pause from writing this to help my roommate kill a wall gecko in her room and we had a little discussion. Life is worth living. Sometimes, I feel like I need to talk to people more and stop being in my head all the time. Oh, well.

I'm currently reading Madonna in a fur coat by Sabahattin Ali, and so far, so good. There was a part of the book where a character was obsessed with a painting they saw at the gallery. It made me want to visit a gallery, maybe I will have such an experience. Or a different one, because the character became obsessed with the muse and with what I already know about the book, it didn't well. I read still. I'm listening to both the audiobook and reading the book.

What if I watch a movie everyday this month? I'm doing a good job so far, but it's just the 3rd day of April, so I will report back when I write again.

See you on the 18th.

Bye x. 💕