Do whatever works for you (and you can endure the consequences)

Hi, hi. Another week, another mail? Well, I'm testing a new thing and seeing if I can actually send out a mail every week, I'm not sure if I can sustain it, but since I have already decided that I'm going to do whatever it is I want to do and see how it goes from that point instead of not doing it at all, I have decided to just go along with this one and see.

This week actually started on a very weird note, which is funny. The mail I sent the last time was honestly just me trying to pump myself up and y'know, positive mindset and all that. Did it work? I don't know, but I went through the week and we are here, so all's well that ends well, I guess.

Thank you to everyone who always replies to my mails. It always softens my heart and makes me feel warm. I really love it. Thank you so much.

One of the things that made me excited this week was my bookstagram. I noticed my growth and it's really amazing when you're doing something and you get noticed for it, that shouldn't be what motivates you, of course, but it's still good.

Like, someone reaches out to you and tells you, “I read your stuff, I really enjoy it and I always recommend it to people” or they say “I saw what you did and I want you to do something similar for me” and they actually pay you for it, it's amazing. Both things happened to me this week. Check it out, btw. 🤭

I told myself this week that I wasn't going to compare myself with any other creator (or person) until I get to 100 posts. It made no sense to me that I would be comparing myself with people who have already made a 100 posts, which in turn signifies that they've been doing this thing for a while.

It's not even about getting to 100 posts, it's about doing it consistently which will in turn help me improve my skills and also learn more things. It's similar to that thing Mr. Beast tells people.

It's even more funnier because I calculated it and I realised that there's even a chance that I wouldn't even reach a 100 posts this year, so no comparison for a year, yes? Well, except I decide to post everyday, and that's something I'm not planning on doing any time soon, so that's out of the equation.

One of the—what will I call it now? We'll call it “popsicle” and it will signify “joy, fun, interesting, enjoyable” part of my week. So, one of the popsicle for this week was talking with my friend, O. The conversations I had with O consisted of things I've always wanted to talk about with someone, but they exist in the greyest of lines and y'know, very out of the box, and if I say them out loud, people might actually think that, true true, Grace, you need therapy. Heal!

But the conversations were interesting and it was basically about how love (like other things) is not linear, it's not a straight line, and certain things are not set in stone. Do whatever works for you (and you can endure the consequences), there's this line from Eloghosa Osunde, I feel like I've mentioned it here before, but I'll say it again; “i’m trying something new: asking myself if the choice i want to make is matched with a consequence i can live with, instead of if it’s good or bad.”

I have exams on Monday, I feel pretty prepared, and I'm ready to get these exams behind me and look at the front. These exams and its feelings have taken 2 months of my life this year. I literally spent January & February feeling miserable and sorry for myself.

When I talk about how this school has stressed me and made me go through a lot, people think that I'm joking and over-exaggerating, but I'm really not. I honestly don't think this whole thing is worth this amount of stress.

I'm so tired of the school that I'm not looking forward to the new session, and apparently, 400 level is the hardest class, and whenever someone tells me that I'm usually like, “okay, gee, thanks?”.

Sidenote: Apparently, 300 level was the simplest class. 💀

I met up with someone yesterday, H, and we had this really interesting conversation that reinforced my belief of how people in this school [read as faculty] just have a black and white mindset, it's either this or that, and how they can be really insensitive.

It's in how someone withdrawing from the faculty will look at another person that's repeating a class and say “at least, you're not withdrawing from the faculty”, or someone with a particular resit exam will tell another person that's writing another course “ah, ah, you failed that one? Person no dey fail that one o”, or they will look at someone in the eye and say something like “But your friend passed all her courses na, how come you have 4 resit exams”, or lastly, “when your mates were reading, where were you?”.

I don't know, sometimes I honestly wonder whether they actually picked people of similar minds and put them in this faculty.

And it's not even just the students, the lecturers too. How will a lecturer see someone writing resit exams and tell you to your face, “oh, you're writing these courses both first and second semester, you should have just not bothered, how are you sure you'll pass it this time?”, it's just really—

I don't know, to most people, it's just you failed, write it again, they don't think about the fact that you're literally reading something you've read before and doing it all over again, that act alone can be really exhausting. Anyhoo, when I say I hate my faculty, I think I'm pretty justified.

I was going through my gallery entries for this month and I saw this screenshot of this author who came across something I wrote on my blog about her.

Basically, I did this interview with Reva, and she mentioned the author and I tagged the author on the post, then she saw it and said it really made her weekend. It was really sweet and it was just one of those times that I felt seen and like what I'm doing matters.

People can be weird o, people have said really weird things about my blog or newsletter both directly and indirectly, and sure, sometimes I'm like, it doesn't really matter, I'm doing it because I enjoy doing it, other times, it's just really sad. Especially when it's from people you actually like and hold in high esteem, as in, they're important to you(?).

This just reminded me of a question someone asked for the anniversary about what to do if the people close to you don't support you or share your stuff. I want to start talking, but if I start, I'll just answer everything here.

But anyways, the first thing that came to mind was, 1. Are these people really your friends and how do you define friendship? 2. Do they know this is what being your friend means to you? 3. Did they see it? Are you sure they saw it and just ignored you? and so on.

This is one of the things I and O talked about yesterday, about how it's important to look away from what social media is telling you and define certain things for yourself (and the people you want around you), it's not worth it to accept something that's not you. You can make your own life beautiful. Anyhoo, I'll try to gather my thoughts concerning this question before the anniversary.

You can still ask your questions here. It doesn't have to be just about the newsletter or blog, ask your questions about anything, or maybe something you've always wanted to ask me.

This week I started and finished the Improbable Meet-Cute series. It's a 6 book series and it's pretty short, so if you're looking for books you can finish in one sitting, you should read this.

It's romance and most of the books are centred around the insta-love trope, I only read 5 books from the series, I couldn't find the last book in a good format, so I just left it and from what I saw, I wasn't missing much. I wrote a review on Instagram, too.

I also read Life's Too Short by Abby Jimenez, it was good, I guess. I'm just realising that I didn't write a review for this one, I'll probably do that in my February book wrap-up. It's also romance and the FMC had ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis), it was funny, that's one of the reasons I was drawn to it, but I think the story made me exhausted at some point, the fact that the FMC had a condition that she wouldn't get diagnosed for (but was somehow convinced she had it) and she kept talking and doing stuff to distract herself. Very exhausting. But it's funny, if you're into romance, you should read it.

Now, I read Drinking From Graveyard Wells by Yvette Lisa Ndlovu and this one? I absolutely loved it! It creeped me out at some point with a particular story, but it was good, I read it in one sitting. It's a short story collection about women living in Zimbabwe and not just women, about living in Zimbabwe generally. It has a lot of feminist themes, especially as it concerns African women living in Africa. It was funny.

If you notice, I keep saying “it’s funny/it was funny” and that's because I can't watch/read anything if it's not funny, lmao. I'm not saying it should be a comedy, but please, make me laugh.

I also read The American Roommate Experiment, but I didn't finish it, I just wasn't feeling it and both characters kept talking a lot at the very beginning, giving me a headache.

I made a list of books I plan on reading from now till March and some of the books I already mentioned are on the list, so we are making progress. I talked more about this list on instagram, so yes, check it out. ALSO, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN READING? Reply this mail and tell me about it.

I've already started reading Romancing Mister Bridgerton and Nearly All The Men In Lagos Are Mad. Yes, I know I said I wasn't going to read any of the bridgerton's brothers books, but this is about Penelope, not Colin, I swear. I also plan on watching the movie when it comes out, so…

I'm only watching it so I can point out everything that's wrong in the movie and how the book is so different from the movie.

I'm not sure if I read Breasts and Eggs by Mieko Kawakami this week, but I'm at 50%, so that's something. Half of it. I'll probably finish it in March. Funnily enough, it's not on my list, but I'll definitely finish it then. Or not. I just remembered that I have been reading Anne Of Green Gables since last year, and I'm at 45%, so yeah, maybe.

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Thank you for sticking around this week, and let me know, how did you spark joy this previous week? I really want to hear from you. I need ideas.

Bye!

Let's say I typed this about 3 hours ago and now, I'm feeling anxious all over again and it's making my head spin and making me want to throw up. I feel like I don't know anything, it's well o.