Hi, hi. I'm sorry, I ghosted you this week (although, you'll be getting this the next week) a lot happened and I couldn't settle down to write the newsletter. I could have written it if I wanted to, but I… just didn't. 

Where do I even begin? Currently, I'm in Lagos. Ajah, precisely. I'm with a relative. The interesting thing is, by this time last week, I didn't know I would be here right now. No, scratch that. I knew I was going to leave Port Harcourt and come to Lagos by fire, by force, but I just didn't know that it would be this week. I didn't know when it would happen. 

Now that I'm thinking about it, it was more like a ‘I need to leave my house and go somewhere else’ situation, but I don't know if I subconsciously made that place Lagos. I don't know, but here we are. 

I've always lived in Port Harcourt and not just live in Port Harcourt, I've always lived in one place all my life. The same environment. My primary school, secondary school, and University were all in the same environment. I've never lived with someone else before, I didn't go to a boarding school, and I was just tired of being in the same place. I knew that I wanted something new for my internship and interestingly, this desire has been there for a while. 

I guess the desire was borne out of the feeling of being caged in—and honestly, it was kind of like that. My parents are… interesting people. Then the feeling grew and I couldn't just do it anymore. 

It's that feeling of outgrowing a space and this whole thing is funny, because I remember just listening to a podcast featuring Amaka. She was talking about how she stubbornly went to Lagos when her parents insisted she shouldn't. We have similar back stories, her parents and mine should be friends. 

She also talked about leaving your comfort zone and just knowing you're meant for more, and I was just agreeing with her while also being sad that I hadn't heard back from any of the companies I applied to, even though I had done a couple of interviews at that point. 

I started applying in January, I had a list of states I didn't mind moving to. I mean, if I was going to make applications, I needed to be strategic, right? I was thinking about accomodation and all that. 

Anyways, I was listening to the podcast and I decided to check my mail. That was when I saw the offer of employment.

It felt like everything was making sense, now imagine my surprise when I told my parents and they were like, “haha, you can't go.” Huh? What do you mean?! They were dead serious. 

It's one thing to not get an offer or hear back from any of the companies, and it's another thing to get a good offer and just reject it because your parents are very over protective? 

I cried o. I didn't know what I was going to do, but all I knew was that I was going to resume on the 16th (that was my resumption date). Deadass. I knew that nothing would make me not be there on the 16th. 

Anyways, I was super angry for about 2 days, I talked to my supervisor about it and he made some interesting points, and I can't remember what he said but there was something that made me resolve that I was going to try again with my parents, which I did, and that was when they agreed and the preparation started. 

All the preparations happened in 2 days. My mother even took me to a funny church. She kept saying she couldn't sleep and her BP was high. It was funny to me, because what exactly was your plan? I was going to stay here forever? 

Anyways, I left Port Harcourt on Friday, it was a bus journey, so we left by past 6am or so, and got there by past 4pm. My relative picked me up and took me to her place because my parents don't want these people to use me for human trafficking—“what if they're not real?”. 

That's where I am currently, but I will be going to the provided accomodation very soon. She's nice and great, but I'm just looking forward to getting out of here. Oh, she has to stay with me for the night at the provided accomodation, according to my father. 

We had to do a very yeye journey earlier too because of my father. I don't know if it's just me, but there's a difference between being cautious and just being overly paranoid, but wetin I sabi? According to my parents, I don't know how the world works. 

I have a headache and I can't sleep. I keep praying I don't forget anything here. I don't have a cylinder. I need a pillow. There are actually people who sleep without pillow in this world. It's crazy o. 

When I got to Lagos yesterday, it finally hit me that I've left my house and I'm alone now. I cried, but I'm chill now. According to my supervisor, I'm too excited about the freedom that I'm willing to overlook everything else. I can't wait for my first paycheck or my first day, it's so exciting. Pharmacy school is over, this is happening now. I'm here. 

It's Thursday, I haven't opened this document since Saturday. I wanted to, but the distant between wanting to do something and doing it was too much for me, it seems. 

It's 9:18am and I didn't go to work because of the public holiday. I actually thought I would go to work throughout this public holiday, but it turns out I don't have to, but I will go tomorrow (“essential” worker). I won't go to work this weekend, but my work schedule is alternate weekends, so it's a one week in, and one week out thing. 

I was talking to someone sometime this week and they mentioned how crazy it is that I'm actually here, my parents agreeing and getting the opportunity, and thinking about it now, it actually is. 

When I was getting ready for my induction and preparing to leave school, I was always seeing TikToks about people not getting an internship opportunity for over a year. It was at that point I realised that this whole internship placement thing was serious. 

Although I never bothered myself with it, my last option was already UPTH (University of Port Harcourt Teaching Hospital), and let's just say, I would have definitely gotten it. 

At some point, in the middle of applying, I was worried that I wouldn't get an opportunity because everything had to be by connection (or so I believed), and since my parents didn't want me to leave, they obviously weren't going to help me to look for a place outside Port Harcourt. I was honestly just trying my luck. 

After spending almost a week in this place, it's not bad, I think it's pretty chill. At first, I was worried about the work schedule, but it's less stressful than I thought it would be. I mean, it's still stressful (it's work) but living it now, it's not something I can't adjust to. At some point, you just get used to it and it's just for a year. 

Another interesting thing about being here is the fact that I don't just stay in one place, I'm going to be rotated across their branches and so, I get to experience different parts of Lagos. Like I told someone, I'm on an adventure. 

Currently, I'm in Ikoyi and I have missed my way once already—the only time my roommate didn't follow me home, and I think that would happen again because she won't accompany me for some days next week. Put me in your prayers. 

Let's not even talk about my eating habits this week, I don't have a gas cylinder yet and so I can't cook. I've just been eating bread and snacks at work. Hopefully, my story will change next week. 

It hit me on Wednesday that I can cook my own stuff (I never have to eat beans again) and experiment with whatever I want. It honestly didn't occur to me before then. In fact, it just hit me on Wednesday that I'm responsible for my own meals now. Disappointing. Like this now, I don't even know what I'm going to eat today and it's so tiring to think about that I don't even… want to think about it. 

I've been listening to MONEY CONSTANT on repeat and I just want to say this is my current favourite song, I don't think I can ever listen to this song and remain upset. The beat, the everything, it just has this vibe that makes life feel so carefree. 

I haven't really experienced anything that feels so out of the ordinary, that I would say is a Lagos thing. Although, I did experience something crazy. It was the day I missed my way. Imagine me, under hot sun, trying to find a way to my house and this random guy walks up to me and asked me for money. 

I told him I didn't have, he then presses on, I still tell him I don't have it. At that point, I was already becoming paranoid, it wasn't until I got here that I realised how uncomfortable I am around strange men (and RIGHTFULLY SO), given the fact that I was always in my father's house before now and I'm not there anymore, it was safe. The last thing I wanted was a strange man talking to me on the road in a place I hadn't spent up to a week in. 

Anyways, this random, strange, and annoying man kept asking me and I kept telling him I don't have it, he then notices that I'm holding a plate of food and asks me to give it to him. 

He said, “oya, give me your food”, it was at this point I had to properly look at this man—what about me is telling this man that I don't need this food that I went out of my way to get? It was at that point that I realised that there are really crazy people in this Lagos. The food was a bad idea sha, it gave me a stomach ache. 

Well, that's my story. I no even know wetin I dey do, and I have gone to do something I shouldn't have done, so I have to navigate that and this. Welp. 

My only plans for today is to watch movies and read and cry. I'm fast learning that there are some things you can't do with a roommate, like crying. My roommate has already asked me if I'm okay. Some things never change, innit? I wish I could have left my emotions in Port Harcourt, but it's still me and I'm here now with all my baggage.

I know everything will be okay eventually, but the thing is, I want everything to be okay now and sometimes I get scared that I will never be “okay”. It feels like I'm just going from one thing to another and I've never gotten over anything in my life. I want to be normal.

💕 Instagram. 

💕 Letterboxd (to track films and read reviews). 

💕 Read ‘Your life will be beautiful because YOU will make it so’. 

💕 Pinterest.

💕 Snapchat. 

💕 Storygraph (to track books and read reviews). 

💕 TikTok. 

Bye x. 💕