Perspective and more perspective.

Tears inna me eyes, I'm so sorry, my fans. I can't tell you if it will happen again or not, and when, but just know, you are always on my mind. Seriously, I think about writing to you all the time, it's just that most of the time, it's usually a situation of the spirit is willing, but the flesh isn't too keen on the idea.

June wrap up? Here it is.

For June, I read 11 books—although on bookstagram (if you follow me), you'll probably see that I said I read 10 books, which is correct at the time I posted it, but I ended up reading My Husband on the 30th of June—very chic of me. I actually wrote about it, infact, I wrote about all the books I read in June, but for some reason, trying to edit all those things and send them out in a newsletter makes me feel like I want to die. It's tough.

Funny enough, they're part of the previous newsletters I was supposed to send out in June, but I ended up always chickening out. I might send it out someday, but for now, I don't think I can do it.

On disappearance, I think I've been doing a lot of that this year. Boy, I can't begin to tell you how hard it is to live life. Actively. It's hard. Infact, I think my biggest trick to doing this life thing is running away. I always run, because “I can't deal”, which is sad because I'm just running and showing up for a while and then going away again.

Speaking of a superstar, I haven't been feeling very superstar-ly lately, I've been feeling like Grace, and before you go on to say, “oh, that's cool, maybe you should just be yourself”, no, stop. That's not what I mean, I can't even explain what I mean, but that's not it.

I saw my results this week, and usually, I would go on and on about how I feel about the results, but I'll probably sound like a broken record if I do that right now, so I will not. I'm honestly just glad that I'm still here, lmao, and what have been keeping me going in this school recently (well, not going exactly sha) is the fact that by this time next year, I'll be done or in 500 level, second semester—that’s if there's no strike anyways.

It's even so scary to speak this way, because what if something goes wrong and it doesn't happen? Now I'm wondering why I think this way everytime and I'm so scared. I feel like the theme of my life is “hope is a dangerous thing to give yourself to”, so I try to steer clear of it. That's not a good way to live. Anyways, by next year, I'll be done with this school and doing more interesting things.

This week was fast, I was too caught up in my anxiety to notice anything which is why I'm glad the results have been finally released, I've been through a lot. The constant waking up with anxiety because I think today might be the day they release the results. The terrible dreams. Eck. I'm glad. Just glad.

For some reason as I'm typing this, I just remembered that Tiktok sound,

… why the fuck is this happening to me right now? but they say when you change your perspective that's when miracles happen …

I don change my perspective tire. I'm pretty sure from the beginning of this year I've had like 2,500 perspectives already. I'm about to slip into a new one.

One thing I realised this week is that I'm so dramatic, it's almost embarrassing. I'm thinking about situations this week that I wished I didn't act the way I did or handled more “appropriately” with a cool head. That's why I'm going to take my resolution to wait 24 hours before taking any decision seriously. Is it my hormones talking or do I really want to throw away all my clothes? Do I really hate this girl or should I just go to bed first? Do I really want to commit to this or it's just my need for external validation that's egging me on? Oops. You never know.

I think I'm in a reading slump, I haven't been able to finish a book in a while, I'm sad. I was looking through my bookstagram posts and I realised that last year August, I read 24 books, 24 whole books in a month. I aspire to be that Grace again, I know you might say I'm definitely in a reading slump and I need to just wait it out, blah blah blah, but I need to spark joy. At this point, I'm just rawdogging life, what is this?

I think my problem is that I'm forcing myself to read a book I'm not exactly enjoying, and you know what, I'm going to DNF the book right now. Well, not right now, but before I'm done writing this.

There's really no need to read a book you're not enjoying. Also, dystopian, fantasy, and sci-fi novels are not for me. I can't. Although it depends for dystopian and fantasy books, if there's a lot of world building, you've lost me, but if there's good romance, I might consider. Enemies to Lovers definitely. Or marriage of convenience, omg. But sci-fi? I CANNOT. I can even go as far as saying I refuse to.

I think reading Damilare Kuku's Only Big Bumbum Matters Tomorrow will fix me, I can't explain it, but I just know.

Oh, right. The book I need to DNF, Bellies by Nicola Dinan. I really wanted to like this book, I swear, but Jesus Christ, it was so slow and tbvh, I don't even know why I was reading it. I was already 54% into the book though.

Micheal became a Ming and I was actually really curious to see how everything plays out, but I found Ming really unlikeable, it became really annoying to read.

The book of the month is Don't Let Her Stay by Nicola Sanders! 🥳

This is just me recommending a book for you to read—although, everytime I talk about a book here, I'm recommending it, whether good or bad, the only difference is, this time, we are reading the book together in a particular month and you're done, you can send a reply back and we'll chat about it. Easy peasy. Sort of like a book club, but without the meetings. A read-along! or is it buddy-reading? Wait, it's actually a book club, but you get the idea.

It's a read-along! I also found out there's a feature on Storygraph for that, so I created a link for you to join in and well, track your progress?

This is what it looks like, so join in. Here's the link too—if you click on the image, you can also get the link. You'll have to download the app to be able to access it though. Storygraph is a really cool app for all your reading needs, you should download it.

I'm really curious to see how everything turns out, you know, I'm trying to keep an open mind and all.

I'm actually feeling very superstar-ly right now, forget what I said earlier. I just got back from the hospital and true true, life is about perspective. It's really interesting and fascinating.

Today, we went into the accident & emergency ward and oh, boy. We looked through a patient's case today because we'll be having a presentation on it and well, let's just say I think the world is really a scary place and we should all be really careful. I'm still enjoying IT too, so far, so good.

Today turned out to be a good day afterall, I was so mad when I woke up this morning, people are really funny. I'll have to stop this Newsletter here because I'm starting to get sleepy and if I keep typing, I might just start saying a bunch of nonsense. I hope you had a wonderful day (and week), and if you didn't, I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow.

Bye x.

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