The worst person in the world meets Normal people.

I just finished watching Normal People and I have a few thoughts. The first thing I have to say is I really hate that trope where two people like each other, but somehow refuse to be together, because well… they can't? There's nothing stopping them except their “nonexistent” issues with each other. 

In Normal People, they obviously had issues individually, but when it comes to the relationship, I wouldn't say there was anything stopping them from being together. 

There's no world I would feel any bit of sympathy? tenderness? or whatever towards whatever relationship they had going on. 

First off, it's because I feel like it mostly favoured Connell. It was always about him. Starting from high school. Marianne was willing to do anything for him, but he just never wanted the relationship. It was always so devastating watching them act like friends, especially when he gave her the best friend tag. The only time everything felt balanced was at the end of the movie. Probably because she made the decision and it wasn't just Connell, I don't know. 

Something I couldn't understand till now was why she kept Connell in her friend group, especially when she was dating Jamie. That's like the dumbest shit that happened in that movie, what was the rationale behind it? Obviously, your boyfriend (who was friends with you when you were dating Connell) would be upset. He wasn't the villain, in that aspect. This is why I hate this trope, you don't want to be with each other, but you can't just leave each other alone.

I rated it a 3.5 at the end, only because it made me feel a lot of feelings while watching it. The rejection Marianne felt every time but didn't exactly mention. Also, how she talks. She always had such an “assured” voice and the way she kept saying “everything is fine, I'm okay” whenever something happened. 

I'm listening to We Hug Now by Sydney Rose, it's the song with the, “I have a feeling you got everything you wanted, and you're not wasting time stuck here like me, you're just thinking it's a small thing that happened, the world ended when it happened to me” lyrics. 

The reason I decided to watch the movie is because I saw an edit with the song and I was curious. In the video, it felt like it was about both of them, you know, mutually “destroying each other” but I don't think so. 

When people try to make it look like they both hurt each other, it takes away the impact of what Connell did to her when they were in high school and how that affected her subsequent relationships. She would have done anything for him. I do get Marianne a lot, it's probably why I'm so protective of her. I have some thoughts about when he started dating Helen, but I will wait till I'm done reading the book. I will update when I finish and add more thoughts. 

I also finished watching The worst person in the world, and one thing I must say is that if the movie you're watching shows the people fully naked during the sex scenes, just know it's going to wreck you. I think the sex scenes add to the story, but that's all I will say about that. 

Something I keep thinking about when I remember The worst person in the world is how bad you have to feel to just conclude that you're the worst in the world. I get it to some extent. Right now, I feel extremely guilty and actually like the worst person in the world. I feel this extreme need to disappear, I really can't do any more hard things this year or go through difficult emotions again. 

My favourite thing about the movie is the language, I didn't even know it wasn't in English before I started, just like I didn't know Normal People was a series. I have nothing else to say about the movie because I watched it earlier this week and I didn't write anything down after I watched it. I liked it though. 

I feel terrible this night (I'm writing this on Friday night, it's 9:48PM) and I decided to read some of Oluchukwu’s work. It's when things like this happen to me that I become more convinced that something must always go wrong. Especially when I actually feel good. There's always a catch somewhere, something is always wrong or it will be eventually. 

I don't know how to deal with this and I don't know if I have the strength to. I wish it would just go away, like a bad dream, I would wake up and everything is okay. 

Sigh. 

Here’s last week’s newsletter, just in case you missed it.

Bye x.