Week 03: Discipline, discipline, and discipline.

Regular programming.

Monday, January 13.

When I conquer procrastination, I just know I will be really powerful. Unstoppable, even. I've been thinking about writing this newsletter, but for some reason, setting down to write the newsletter felt like a lot. I needed motivation, inspiration, anything to make me write it, and so, I kept scrolling and scrolling.

Nevertheless, delay can never be denial. I'm here now and we must start what we came here to do. Hi! Welcome to a new week—saying this (or something similar) is always funny because you won't get it at the beginning of the week. By the time you get it, it will probably not ‘hit’ like it's supposed to.

Still, I hope you had an amazing week and you're taking care of yourself. I'm alright, I went to school today and I tried my best to enjoy the process. My major new year resolution is to have fun, believe it or not.

In recent years, I've been always too down or too something to allow myself live in the moment and breathe, so that's what inspired this year's resolution.

Although, I'm having a thought that I only feel this way because everything seems good. What if things start spinning out of control, would I still hang on to this resolution? Ha. I'm going to stop here before I start spiralling.

Back to school, I'm officially in my final year. I can't stop saying it and I can't believe it sometimes either. I actually didn't think I would make it this far, I'm not even joking. There should be a journal entry concerning that somewhere, but I'm too lazy to go through my journal right now.

We had to go to this hospital today for our clerkship course, this is our Monday routine now. Every Monday, we go to the hospital pharmacy unit(s) and we are rotated throughout all the units till the semester is over. This means we have to do a presentation every Wednesday. Fun.

Tuesday, January 14.

In the middle of writing yesterday's entry, I went to eat and after that, I didn't want to continue with the newsletter anymore. I'm really trying to teach myself discipline. I've been having a lot of ‘the spirit is willing, but the flesh is not too keen on the idea’ moments a lot these days.

I know what I want to do and why I should do it, but I just don't. I would rather do everything else than that particular thing. It's insane, but I'll figure it out. I'll do it.

I don't want to rely on just vibes or motivation when it comes to doing things. I want to do things whether I'm motivated or not.

Something I'm trying to do away with is the false illusion of being SO busy and yet not doing anything. Let's say I have a lot of things to do, but instead of settling down to do each of them carefully, I keep jumping from one thing to another telling myself I'm so busy or I have a lot to do, but I'm not even doing any of those things. It's why I write things down when I'm overwhelmed.

When I write things down, I'm able to see the full picture and make a plan. Plus, I have anxiety, so it makes me feel relaxed even though I haven't done anything yet. It's like I have my sense of control back.

Anyways, the reason I started talking about discipline and whatnot is because I had things to do today, but I didn't do them because I “didn’t feel like”. They were (and still are) important, but I just didn't do them and I know I would regret this when the deadline gets closer.

The whole point of building my discipline muscle (also known as my ‘doing and continuing’ muscle) is that I become the type of person who would say something and do what they say. Keeping my promises to myself.

This just reminded me of what I wrote at the beginning of the week:

Moving away from all that. I had a pretty interesting day today. I went to school, I had two classes; a PharmChem (Pharmaceutical Chemistry) class and a Pharmacotherapeutics class. I enjoyed the PharmChem class, I can't say much about the Pharmacotherapeutics class.

In one of the classes, the lecturer talked a little bit about final year project, and it reminded me that this is the year I'll be doing my project. Before now, I've always told myself that I wouldn't do my project where I would have to stay in the lab monitoring anything of any sort.

I don't enjoy lab work, but I don't want to have any bad thoughts about any department or what the project is going to look like, because it's not important. Wherever I find myself will be good to me and for me.

Wednesday, January 15.

I just finished reading a few pages of the nonfiction book I'm reading this month and I'm really proud of myself. I said I was going to read an hour everyday before I go to bed and I'm doing just that.

If not for the fact that I said I was going to set out time to do this, I probably wouldn't have read anything today. I've noticed that whenever school is in session, it's easy for me to just fall into a mindless routine and I don't want to do that.

I want to do things for myself, things I enjoy, so I can be happy. Speaking of happiness, I ate noodles and eggs today. I loved it. Prioritise happiness, guys.

About my day. I went to school today, I had a presentation. Usually, I would be tense and stressed, but I wasn't, I was just there. I didn't even think about it too much. Is this… growth?

Friday, January 17.

Currently, I'm hungry and really hot. I can't wait for rain to start falling regularly again, I thought I was going to lose my mind yesterday night, it was so hot.

I went to school today and we were having a class on antiviral drugs and whatnot (it was a Pharmacology class), and my lecturer kept going on and on about theories concerning the coronavirus and the pandemic, it was interesting and funny.

This week wasn't so bad, except yesterday, I didn't have a good day yesterday, that's also why there's no entry for Thursday. I don't know what else to say again, it's probably because I'm really hungry.

Last Wednesday, I got really tired of my inability to settle down and read a book. I remembered something I read some time ago about how, like every other hobby, you have to make time to pick up a book and read.

I told myself I was going to read for two hours and I made a to-do list. I said I wasn't going to do anything on that to-do list until I finished reading. Crazy, yes, but I really wanted to read a book and I needed my brain to cooperate with me.

I ended up deciding to read My Parents' Marriage by Nana Ekua Brew-Hammond, I saw it on bookstagram and it was honestly the name that drew me in and I decided to read it. I mean, there's nothing I love more than reading about dysfunctional African families.

I’ve finished reading the book now and I wrote a review about it, you can check it out here.

A mini goal I have this year is to write reviews of the book I read even though I *think* I have nothing to say about the book, I will just try my best to say something.

I created a list of books I would read this month, even though there's a high chance I probably wouldn't, but one can hope, right? I actually like these books and I hope I read them all.

Here's a list of the books and you can check out their synopsis here—I published a blog post about these books, please check it out.

1. My Parents' Marriage by Nana Ekua Brew-Hammond.

2. Pride and Joy by Louisa Onomé.

3. No Be From Hia by Natasha Omokhodion-Kalulu Banda.

4. These Letters End In Tears by Musih Tedji Xaviere.

5. When Love Visits by Comfort Omovre.

6. Coexistence by Billy-Ray Belcourt.

7. When It's Your Turn For Midnight by Blessing Musariri.

8. The Places I've cried In Public by Holly Bourne

The Places I've cried In Public by Holly Bourne and These Letters End In Tears by Musih Tedji Xavier are for book clubs. I want to read more book club picks because I really love book club meetings, I love talking about books and hearing people's perspective on the books—I’m lying, I just like arguing sometimes.

I love attending book club meetings, but settling down to read the book club picks sometimes makes me feel like I'm eating cold pap—an unpleasant experience. Not because of the book, but just because it's an ‘obligated reading’.

It's even more annoying when the book we have to read is a book I didn't want/voted for (but it won anyway) and I have to read it or I end up reading the book way before the book club meeting, so by the time the meeting date's here, I don't know anything about the book anymore (it happens). I talked more about why I decided to read the other books in the blog post.

Away from fiction, I made progress with the nonfiction book we're reading. Just in case you don't know, the name is It's Not Hysteria by Dr. Karen Tang. I mentioned it in the last newsletter.

The chapters I read this week are on; polycystic ovarian syndrome, ovarian cysts, pelvic floor dysfunction, pelvic organ prolapse, urinary incontinence, sexual dysfunction, and I'm currently reading about vulvovaginal conditions, which is chapter 12.

I'm not going to lie, some of the information I got while reading was disturbing. In the sense that I struggled to believe that the conditions mentioned were real things people were struggling with.

Something that stood out to me was the part about lubricants, I'm not sure why, but it was really interesting to know. Useful information.

Lubricants are the first line treatment options for pain with sex caused by vaginal dryness and there are 3 types; water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based. I'll share my highlights from the book.

I read 22 pages of the book everyday, or rather, I try to. I think I read like that everyday this week except Thursday. I was too tired to read anything on Thursday.

The next book I plan on reading is ‘The Dip’ by Seth Godin. That would be February's book, or should we read a love-themed book to fit the month's vibe? The first book that came to mind is ‘Attached’, but I've read it before and I'm not sure I want to read it again.

Maybe we should read ‘All About Love' by Bell Hooks. I've started this book so many times, but I've never finished it. It's settled, we're reading ‘All About Love’ by Bell Hooks for the nonfiction challenge in February.

Lastly, I made a blog post talking about my bookish goals for this year—I saw a cool blogging challenge and I decided to join in. You can read it and let me know your own bookish goals for 2025 in the comments.

What did you read this week?

Articles, blog posts, and essays.

🌻 books to read in January (and hand creams to save your skin from winter).

This post had a lot of amazing recommendations, or at least, lot of books that stood out to me and I'll definitely be checking out.

🌻 to make you smarter: utilizing the internet for good and teaching yourself how to dive deeper on subjects that interest you.

I really did feel smarter from reading this post alone. I found a link to free Harvard courses and I would definitely be going through the list now to find what interests me—I did find a couple, but I'm really tired right now, so I'll go through it again tomorrow with a clear head.

🌻  Just Delete Them (We never message each other because this isn't about making connections. It's about keeping tabs).

Delete. Unfollow. Mute. Block.

Excerpt:

• “You’re not being petty. That’s the insidiousness of social media in a nutshell: all of the interactions are so microscopic, so blasé, that unfollowing, ghosting or removing people feels like a massive overreaction. I don’t buy it. When justified, that’s exactly what you should be doing, because guess what? You already did it in real life. If I wouldn’t invite you to my house, then you’re not welcome in my online space either. What astrologers call a Saturn Return, I call turning 30 and simply not having the energy to carry dead weight anymore. Just delete them.”

🌻 2024:The Year Of Magical Thinking.

I really love reading from Treasure, she inspires me in so many ways. The way she writes, her work as a creative and her work rate. She's really passionate about storytelling and documenting, and that's why I find her inspiring.

Excerpts:

• “That you have full agency over your life: Nothing happens without your permission. The places you want to go to, the people you want to meet, the person you want to be, can be willed into existence if you believe and act like it. You don’t have to wait for anybody’s instruction, advice, recommendation, suggestion or vision. Trust yourself more, and move.”

• “Document, document, document: Documenting is my life’s practice, but I have always approached it as a teacher, sharing my thoughts and telling my stories. This year I discovered how documenting can also be a form of self-advocacy — in your career, when you need to show proof. I also saw its preservative nature at home in the village, listening to the oldest family member share stories about our tied history. Briefly, I thought about how I didn’t want those stories to die with her.”

• “The magic has to be created: Everything you see and love was made by God and man. If you want beauty, and magic, laughter and fun, you have to cultivate it for yourself, and for others. Learn to make yourself happy, noone else is obligated to do this work for you.”

🌻 a different life is possible (and other lessons i learned in 2024).

Another Treasure? Omg. Actually, it's because I didn't send the newsletter out last week, so the previous one is from last week.

Something that stuck with me while reading this newsletter is the part where she talked about documentation, and this is probably because documenting stuff is a practice I'm learning.

Something that never gets old is when someone reads the newsletter (especially one that I wrote a long time ago) and I start feeling giddy.

When I write on the newsletter and talk about what's going on in my life (or just sharing whatever is going through my head or I found interesting), I never think it would make so much difference in someone's life. In my head, I'm just talking, but it makes so much difference, apparently.

Five years from now, someone would read it and it will still a much difference in their life. Surreal.

In the last newsletter for 2024, I talked about how you never know how much you're growing until you have something to compare where you are currently with, and you can achieve this through documentation. It's an amazing concept, really.

Excerpts:

• “As I grow older, I’m learning to embrace change—the way it molds, softens, and surprises us. I’ve become less brittle with time, and more open to life’s tectonic shifts. Fourteen-year-old me would be astonished at how much I delight in living now. I’ve changed, and so has my understanding of what I want from life, and what I am capable of.”

• “Sometimes, the different life that is possible meets us in the most unexpected ways. We must keep our palms open and allow life to surprise us. It’s the only way.”

• “That you have full agency over your life: Nothing happens without your permission. The places you want to go to, the people you want to meet, and the person you want to be can be willed into existence if you believe and act like it. You don’t have to wait for anybody’s instruction, advice, recommendation, suggestion or vision. Trust yourself more, and move.”

• “That curiosity is a form of love... ‘when we express curiosity by sitting with them [our loved ones] and asking questions about their lives, we signal an openness that is traded in with even more questions, back and forth, and this way, we are able to knit closer bonds with the people that we’ve chosen to love.’”

• “That documenting is how you live forever…”

• “If you want beauty and magic, laughter and fun, you have to cultivate it for yourself, and others. Learn to make yourself happy. Noone else is obligated to do this for you."

• “Cultivate an owner’s mindset. Treat the work entrusted in your care as if it were yours, because it is.”

🌻Susback is a social media you [redacted].

I enjoyed reading this because I, too, am tired of seeing notes on Substack about how they deleted social media because of screen time, attention span, and whatnot, but somehow they're still spending the same amount of time on Substack notes (or Pinterest). You're still doomscrolling haha.

Excerpts:

• “I’m a deep believer that the internet is what you make of it. If you spend your time brain rotting to trade wives on tiktok and girls rushing their freshmen year of college and watching shein hauls and makeup hauls and book hauls and hot takes on Sally Rooney being a fake communist and oh my god did you read White Nights by Dosto? Isn’t it like soooo good? If that’s what you spend your time online doing then that’s your problem, don’t put it on the rest of us.”

• “Don’t go complaining on notes that your screen time is so high so you deleted social media off your phone only to complain about it on another social media. SUBSTACK IS A SOCIAL MEDIA YOU CUNT. YOU CAN LIKE THINGS, REPLY TO THINGS, COMMENTS, WATCH VIDEOS, LISTEN TO PODCASTS. READ. IT IS SOCIAL MEDIA. If I see another note about this, I will go off the rails and insult the person because I can’t whistle at them from a distance. I’m a great whistler but not that great.”

Podcasts.

🍂 Ep. 120 How To Rebrand Your Life in 2025 With Manifesting Expert Roxie Nafousi.

I don't know if I'm learning anything new listening to this, I'm honestly just listening to it because of the owner of the podcast—her name is Grace Beverley, my name is Grace Iderima, we're both cool ‘Graces’. And she has a nice accent.

I couldn't finish it though, but if it's your jam, here you go.

🍂 Ep 113 How To Be Confident In 20 Minutes: A No BS Guide.

The only thing I learned is that confidence is a skill and you have to work on it and develop it, like every other skill.

The host talked about how body language is also something you need to work on when it comes with confidence, because with that, people can sense how you're feeling and that can also affect how they “receive” you, and this is 100% true.

When it comes to developing your confidence, there's a whole lot of faking it till you make it involved.

🍂 Abacha's Offer.

I learned quite a handful of things from this podcast, for example, a Volkswagen car was NGN1,782 in the 1970s as a result of the oil boom and that was when the middle class of Nigeria was growing a lot and people in this class (teachers, nurses, etc) were able to buy cars and send their children to school. Phew.

I also learned that these oil companies in Nigeria are not Nigerian companies. I mean, obviously, but it didn't really sink in like that.

For example, Agip is an Italian company? It makes sense now when I hear people say that a particular company is shutting down in Nigeria and going abroad. I used to wonder how a Nigerian company would just shut down like that and move abroad.

Anyways, I didn't finish the podcast episode last week (which was when I listened to it). I got distracted the first day and haven't gone back to it ever since. I'll probably finish it next week.

🍂 Ep. 121 How To Build True Discipline & Stay Consistent (& Why Motivation Is A Myth)

This was an interesting episode, especially as discipline is something I've been thinking about throughout this week.

Something that stood out to me was the part where she talked about how lack of discipline can affect your self worth because there's a disconnect between what you say you're going to do and what you end up doing.

I think it explains exactly how I've been feeling lately (and why I've been feeling that way). When you say you're going to do something and you consistently don't do that thing, it affects how you see yourself. You feel like ass.

There's this example she gave about setting up a date with a friend and that friend continuously stands you up, you'll just conclude that the friend doesn't respect you enough to keep to time/do what they said they'll do.

I'm going to practice the steps she mentioned in the podcast, the step that stood out to me the most is consistency over perfection.

The goal is to do the thing, be the kind of person that do a certain thing regularly, and the amazing thing is, getting up and deciding to do that thing regularly will help you improve in the long run instead of waiting to be perfect or beating yourself over not being good at that thing immediately.

It creates a feedback loop: the more you do something, the better you get, and the more confidence you build in your abilities.

Listening to this episode reminds me of how I should let go of motivation for being the reason I do a particular and just do it because I said I was going to. Whether I feel like it or not.

If, like me, you're also struggling with being disciplined, you should listen to this episode.

Gather round.

💕 Read my literary blog.

💕 Follow my reading journey on bookstagram and Storygraph.

💕 Say hi on Instagram.

💕 Share this post with someone.

💕 Subscribe if you haven't (if you aren't subscribed, you're mostly likely reading from your browser).

I hope you enjoyed reading this week's newsletter, I particular enjoyed putting this one together. As always, you can write back to me, either talking about what stood out to you while reading or how you're doing currently.

Bye x.