Week 05: On January ending and the many possibilities of a new day.

Regular programming.

It feels just right that the last January is ending on a Friday and the last newsletter for the month is going out on the last day. So perfect.

How are you? I hope you had a wonderful month, or at least, a manageable—even though it wasn't so good, at least, the month is over now.

For the first time in a long time, I've had a good month (actually, December was good too), if I was going to rate this month, I would give it a 7/10, it was just okay.

I learned a lot of new things this month which made it easier for me to navigate the month with less anxiety. For example, I try not to take people's actions too personally and if it bothers me so much, I either talk about it or remove myself from the situation. That simple, who knew?

School has been ‘schooling’, I came back really tired from school throughout this week. Whenever I sleep, I don't think twice about waking up in the night to read, I just sleep till morning and then do it again the next day.

I need to change though, exams are supposed to start in March—on the 17th, I think. If I keep sleeping like I have no plans for my future, there will be wahala.

Anyways, the week is over now and I'm really glad it's the weekend. I'm looking forward to sleeping as much as possible (and reading, of course). I'm really excited about the new month, not because I have something to look forward to particularly, it's just the idea that I don't know what is going to happen next month that's thrilling. Anything can happen and that's exciting.

There's this quote I read one time that's coming to mind,

I's true what they say, the best way to live is to be excited about a new day and make plans accordingly. There's just so many possibilities.

Books.

This month, I read 4 books and I reviewed 2 of them on my literary blog; My Parents’ Marriage by Nana Ekua Brew-Hammond and Fire by John Boyne.

I also finished reading the first nonfiction book in my nonfiction reading challenge. I finished reading It's Not Hysteria and I'm glad I decided to read the book.

The nonfiction book for February is All About Love by Bell Hooks. 

Here’s the synopsis:

Presenting radical new ways to think about love, the acclaimed cultural critic, feminist, and author examines the role of love in our personal and professional lives and how it can be used to end struggles between individuals, communities, and societies.

You can join the challenge here.

How many books did you read this month?

Articles, blog posts, essays.

🌻 Be The Leading Lady Of Your Own Life

1. Agency is a word that I've been paying attention to these days.

2. I should watch the movie she mentioned.

Excerpts:

“Saying I will do things and sticking to them is my way of choosing to be a consistent person. It’s a choice I’ve made, a quiet declaration of agency. ”

“Being intentional about how I dress, how I speak, and what I give my energy to has become a practice of self-respect and self-love. Using the word “No” liberally? That’s another form of agency, a boundary that protects my peace.”

“These small but meaningful choices remind me that being the leading lady isn’t just about the grand gestures. It’s about the daily, deliberate decisions to prioritize myself, honour my needs, and show up as the main character in my own story.”

“You are the leading lady of your story. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, convince you otherwise.

🌻 How To Be More Organised In 2025.

This was a really long Substack about organisation tools. It was interesting to read.

🌻media consumption: articles, video essays, podcasts to make you smarter (vol. 12)

A lot of good recommendations that I MIGHT check out.

🌻 Blessings.

This made me breathe easy. Took a minute to notice the things I currently take for granted.

Excerpts:

“Opening my eyes to the blessing of conversations — pouring my heart out to people and listening to them as well. The blessing of having conversations about love, about a favorite book, about music, about work, about a random TikTok video, about sex, about life, about pop culture, about anything at all. The ability to speak and have someone relate to me, to engage with me, to listen to me talk, to want to know what’s on my mind. The ability to listen to people, to hear their perspective on life and have it change me or challenge my opinions. How beautiful it is that we can connect to one another just by speaking."

“Opening my eyes to the blessing of forgiveness — the ability to let things go and have a free mind. To breathe slowly around people I parted ways with, to look at them and not feel hurt, to think about them and not feel a pang in my chest. To think about what happened and not have an anxiety attack. To just let go, to stop holding on to pain.”

🌻 i deleted my instagram close friends story.

This might be unrelated, but I've never really had one before. In my head, I would rather just tell them directly or send whatever I'm uploading to them than putting it on a private story.

It's why I think the Instagram feed, but for close friends is a dumb idea. I don't just see the point.

Excerpts:

“I had been measuring care in the wrong currency. Social media has trained me to believe that friendship is something visible, something quantifiable. A like, a reply, a green ring. The people who love you will find you in subtle ways—through the warm and loving people in your life who show up not because they saw a story but because they see you.”

“There is something unassailably private about a journal, something restorative about knowing that no one will double-tap or scroll past your thoughts.”

“Maybe that is the real lesson of 2024: letting go of the need to be seen to feel valued.”

🌻 I Want To Talk To You, Without Speaking

This was really interesting, it made my heart warm. It was a really vulnerable piece about love, desire, and the concept of yearning. I might check out the movie the writer mentioned. Infact, I'll make a list of movies I should see.

I might always be making lists atp.

Excerpts:

“Flipping through Toulouse-Lautrec’s portrayals of intimacy, I began to think of relationships as not just the climactic moments, but those that come in between. The pillow talk, the quarrels, the days and minutes and hours of silent, companionable boredom."

“You can be happy for someone without feeling their joy as your own. I can no longer live a life that is controlled by what by what happens to other people.”

“To want something, but to also be ashamed of that wanting. To wonder if those around you can feel it radiating off of you. Is that why I have not been in love? Is it too obvious that I have not? Is there a primal, invisible alarm that is triggered when you fall in love, and not a second sooner? There is a small part of myself - a part that rarely makes an appearance, honest to God - that prematurely feels guilty for not being able to bring more experience to my first relationship.”

“I have no interest in “catching vibes” or “feeling things out” or kissing frogs to meet a prince. Because, frankly, my mind would not be able to let go of the fact that I kissed a frog in the first place.”

🌻 films that have healed me.

More movie recommendations. I've always wanted to watch The Worst Person In The World, but never really got around to it. I will definitely watch it before this year runs out.

🌻 a list of things you absolutely require and deserve.

Yes, this was interesting to read, but I can never get over what you get when you mix sex (I was going to say ‘sexuality’, but I'm not sure that was the word I was looking for, maybe sensuality? pleasure? organs?) and spirituality, it's always so weird.

The people who preach about how there's so much power in your vagina or having an orgasm or whatever. Obviously, I don't get it and I'm talking from a place of ‘ignorance' (don't throw tomatoes at me), but it's still funny.

“eating raspberries off your fingers, drizzling honey or maple syrup on fresh figs, plump, juicy mandarins, enjoying fruits like you’re making love to them, with each of your five senses”

When I first read this, the first thing that came to mind was “maybe we should all just eat our fruits like we are EATING FRUITS and go”, seriously, it's not that deep.

“visualising your dreams and desires coming to life as you come”

This one too, just come and go, please. Lmao. I'm sorry, but it's so funny to me.

Excerpts:

“always, always, always having a rich, vibrant, moving, pulsating erotic inner life with yourself, when partnered and when unpartnered. never, ever having to say that “there’s no action in my life” because a man doesn’t happen to be there. your sex life with yourself is forever. your nights in lingerie, dancing to music in your room, mirrors optional, is forever. touching yourself while making eye contact with yourself in the mirror and seeing the divine in your eyes is forever. owning lingerie, at least one set, that is just for you, just your secret, that nobody will ever see, and that is as cringe/unhinged/slutty/pink/whoreish/________ as you desire. moving your body to songs you’d never let anyone know that you like is forever. romancing your inner courtesan is forever. creating containers of time where you touch yourself and edge, without climaxing, just to explore every depth and flavour of pleasure you’re capable of feeling, forever. touching yourself with a blunt, with wine, with a brew of roses, after meditation, in the middle of the afternoon, first thing in the morning, last thing at night, any and all of this, forever.”

“the slowest making out session, with a promise to do absolutely nothing but kiss for the next one hour, as a rule.”

“a daily or weekly secret practice, that is just yours to know of, a secret that adorns you with magnetism, that potently charges you with your own essence because not a soul knows that this ritual or practice exists. a closed, sacred wellspring that you create for yourself and only you drink from.”

“always clicking sexy nudes and boudoir shots of yourself because one day your much, much older self will thank you for letting her see those”

🌻 I Think I Broke My Vagina.

Again, I wasted so much time in writing down my thoughts and I can't remember anything, but thank god, I always make highlights while I read.

Excerpts:

“I crave a different type of intimacy. I want to be hugged from behind, have my hair tucked behind my ear, I want to whisper compliments under the covers, and wake up with our bodies tangled because even in sleep my body craves yours.”

“I prefer to indulge in my partner's presence, their scent, their voice, and their laughter. I like forehead kisses and compliments, I like laughing when we’re nervous and falling into each other again. I yearn for sex the same way you yearn for a first kiss, passionately, with your stomach in knots and giddy.”

“I realized just last year that the way I crave sex isn’t what most people want. One time my friend called me boring because I labeled myself as ‘vanilla'. It did hurt because I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to be touched gently, or craved in such a pure way that my lips are enough.”

🌻 Issue 01: 3am Raids and Data Prices.

This was funny, especially as I don't exactly have Twitter anymore.

🌻 The Cost of Convenience: We have fallen out of love with the process.

Remember the thing I said about wasting so much time and no longer remembering my thoughts about what I read? Yeap.

Excerpts:

“The speed of which things can now be created has reconfigured our focus from the process to instead consistent output, the expectation to always have something to show for oneself has restrained art and made the idea of being a “creative” something one reflexes to cringe at.”

“If you’re a writer, matter of fact, any artist, just live. Experience. Your work comes from you, what you see, and what you hear; refill your cup before you try to pour into anyone else's.”

“In the light of honesty, there’s an element of procrastination in being chained to the process of learning and accumulation. At some point, you have to just do, jump, and grow your wings on the way down because you’ll never know enough, be prepared enough, or be ready for every challenge, but you have to start. However, two things can be right at once and we should be encouraged to consistently return to the passenger seat, and re-immerse ourselves in the expansion of our remits.”

“It's the hours learning to cut and sew to make a garment before ever pursuing to build a brand, or the time learning to play the piano to truly understand the sonic foundation of music production, before ever touching a mic or releasing an EP. Laid bare, the contours of this perspective may reveal an elitist underscore, because time is a luxury; the messy undefined ‘20s’ is no longer a common phenomenon as we are expected to be established by the time we are 26.”

“In her 2013 HBO documentary, Beyoncé complained that “People don’t make albums anymore!” but it can be considered more of a critique on the dying art of bodies of work in general. People don’t have the time to step back and dedicate months just to world-building, to the curation of an ecosystem that their work can sit in, be experienced through and fine-tuned by; especially if they wish to keep up with the incessant output of small bite-sized pieces of content to satiate their hunger for validation and their audience’s thirst for stimulation.”

“No one is a finished product and we have become accustomed to passive learning, taking in bites of info from advice TikToks just to save them and never go back. Although learning can be passive it also should be intentional, because as more and more processes become more and more linear, our brains will become a redundant mush.”

“Ease, speed, pressure and convenience, have all muddied the waters of artistic development. We have chosen short-term validation at the very expensive cost of long-term fulfillment.”

“Build a relationship with your craft, one that is undetermined by whether or not anyone sees it, a relationship that is your own and can never be taken away from you.”

“Essentially, take the time to study, to appreciate the process and you’ll make better art, be a better artist and also offer yourself an air of personal longevity.”

🌻 “I never knew you were a harlot” – Revisiting Nollywood’s Portrayal of Femininity and Womanhood in the 2000s

I came across this blog post while scrolling on YouTube, I saw a video recommendation with a similar topic (and the same author) and while I was watching it, I found out that it was based on an essay and I decided to read it too—I wasn't even done watching the YouTube video.

The only thing I can say is, the topic being addressed isn't exactly news, I mean, Nigeria men have been “nigerian men-ing” since forever and obviously, the films that were being produced then are going to mirror the way people were thinking then.

Excerpts:

“The hypersexualisation of women in Nollywood is often facilitated through voyeuristic techniques. As noted by Floribert Patrick C. Endong, voyeurism manifests in films by portraying women as spectacles, objectifying them as objects of desire to be gazed at. “Female characters in films are objectified on three levels: the camera, the male character and the spectators.” By positioning female characters as objects of scrutiny for both the male characters within the film and the viewers themselves. This trend of voyeurism can be seen in the iconic club dancing scenes, where the camera frequently zooms in on women's bodies. Additionally, female nudity often surpasses male nudity in these films, emphasising the unequal representation of gender in cinematic portrayals.”

Music.

All I can say is that it's well.

This one is so funny, did I even try to listen to something else? Actually, no. All I did was listen to Rema's album this month.

I decided to start using YouTube Music and I'm curious to see how that will affect the songs I listen to (that's if, anyway), will circle back by the end of February.

Movies.

1. Bottoms.

I thought it was weird and cringe, but at the same time, it was entertaining, so... I don't know. 6/10. I didn't like PJ at all.

2. Study Group.

I just started this one (on Tuesday), it's an ongoing kdrama, so I'll just wait till it's done to give my rating, but I like it so far (it's just 4 episode that's out), it's bordering between entertaining and violent—it's not gory or anything, but they do fight a lot.

I wish it was a bit lighter in that aspect. I mean, somebody's mother died because of somebody else and somebody is in a gang? It's a high school, for god's sake.

I have a list of kdrama I'm waiting for their release, I'll make the list now, so I don't forget.

3. Severance (season 2).

I'm curious, that's all. Just like the other one, just two episodes are out and I'm really curious to see where they're going with all this. Especially Helly. My brother has this theory that it's Helly's outie that's on the severed floor.

I haven't actually thought about it so much, the only thing I kept wondering was why they weren't honest with each other about what they (I'm referring to the ‘innies’) saw outside the severed floor.

For example, there's no reason for Helly's innie to lie since she's not emotionally connected to whatever was happening outside, but like I said, I'm curious, so I'll wait and see how it unfolds.

Grace's list of Kdrama releases she's waiting for:

- My Dearest Nemesis.

Genre: Romance, Comedy.

Release Date: February 17th.

- Dear X.

Genre: Thriller, Psychological.

Release Date: No date yet.

- Friendly Rivalry.

Genre: Thriller, Psychological, Action.

Release Date: February 10th.

- I'm Human From Today.

Genre: Comedy, Romance, Fantasy.

Release Date: August.

I'm really excited about this one because of the female lead—Kim Hye Yoon. I've watched two movies she acted; Lovely Runner and Skycastle. She's growing on me.

- Would You Marry Me?

Genre: Romance, Comedy.

Release Date: No date yet.

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Thank you for reading this week's newsletter, as always, I really appreciate you. You can always send a reply, it could be about anything I said or if you just want to share something. See you next Friday.

Bye x.