Week 22: Finding my feet again.

Regular programming. 

Wednesday. 

It’s quite ironic how I said I was back, but I was, in fact, not back. Life happened. I think. At first, I didn't write because I had already made up my mind that the newsletters were going to be biweekly. One week in, one week out. 

After the one week I wasn't supposed to send in the newsletter, the next week, I fell sick, and then the next week after that was spent recovering from being sick and I don't know, it gets blurry from that point. 

It feels like I haven't been able to concentrate, you know, to just focus on one thing. It feels like everything is happening at once and I'm trying to get used to it. 

I recently noticed that I spend a lot of time talking about the things I need to do (and planning them), instead of just doing them. I'm trying to move past it though, but it happens. 

I'm currently not at home right now, I'm at school and trying to charge my devices. Our transformer spoiled some time ago, and I have been living the life of a nomad. They also just took the light in school, but I'm hoping they bring it back, so I can charge one more time before I go back home.

Anyways, this is as much as I can do right now. Hopefully, I'm able to write more tomorrow, and give a little life update. 

Thursday. 

Today's entry is going to be a life update kinda thing, because well, it's been a while. What has been happening? Well, I passed my exams, I cleared my papers, which means I don't have any resits to write from the first semester. 

For a brief moment, it felt good. It felt good to be on the other side—this would be the second time, the other time was in 400 level, second semester. But generally, the only time I felt really good about my results was in 400 level. 

Unlike other times where I write exams, I didn't think about the results so much with this one, I only thought about it a few times, and the few times I thought about it, it was just scary thoughts like; what if I don't pass? Or worse, what if I have to repeat the session from first semester and I don't induct this year (or whenever they plan on doing the induction)? A little bit extreme, I know, but that was how it was in my head. 

Plus, I really wanted to pass all my courses, I had already made up my mind that, at least, 500 level was going to be that semester where I don't have to worry about resits. So, there was this fear that it wasn't going to happen and I was going to disappoint myself. It was going to crush me, but that didn't happen, so I'm glad for that. 

Away from my results, I haven't exactly made so much progress with my final year project. I don't know if it's time to panic yet. I'm doing my project in the pharmacology department (I talked about it in this newsletter) and I have to use rats for the experiment. Sprague dawley's rat. 

We were supposed to get them this week, and we did, about 84 of them, but for some weird reason, they died. Only 19 survived (😐). I'm not sure what we are going to do about that, because I haven't been in school since, but hopefully, next week, we'll know what's happening (or what's going to happen). I really hope they don't expect me to get (that is, buy) another set of rats. 

My parents are really funny people. At my mother's end, she thought I was doing the experiment on rabbits, and she was going to ask if I could bring one home for her to train, because she likes them? I have so many questions. On my father's end, he was wondering why we couldn't just use regular rats, as in, the ones you see around. Those types of rats, and I—😐

Last time, I mentioned that I was the Editor-in-Chief at my faculty’s organisation and I'm currently working on the annual magazine. Well, I'm done with it, the writing aspect of it, and I've shipped it to the designer to work on it. 

Working on this magazine has been an interesting experience, I've had to talk with more lecturers in this 500 level than I have in my entire time in this school. It should be ready in a week or two, when it's ready, I will share so you can see (🙈). 

The faculty week is also drawing closer, too. I'm both excited and nervous. One, I have to launch the magazine in front of everyone, give a whole speech and all of that. Two, I'm also coordinating a quiz competition, and I somehow decided that I was going to teach a class during one of the events at the faculty week, but at the end of the day, I'm looking forward to having fun. 

Of course, when it's time, I will also attach pictures of the events, and talk about it here. I plan to be more consistent in sending out the newsletter, I love the routine that comes with it. 

I applied to be a part of a writing fellowship and I got in. I must say, getting in helped to boost my confidence as a writer, like, “oh, I'm actually good. Someone read this and said ‘this is good, let her in’”. It might be funny, but that's how it's in my head and I'm so happy and determined to see it through. 

I was even more inspired when I was going through their past anthologies and I saw some people who has graduated from the fellowship, and I knew some people I really admire in it. It was a full circle moment—“I'm on my way to being like this person” type of situation. 

The con (?) though is that I have to write regularly, at least, more than I normally would. It's interesting how to be a better writer, you actually have to write and read more. There's no other way around it. You have to sit and write. Sit and read. 

I know I say this myself, but it's actually not magic, you have to make up your mind to read and write. Set out time to read, set out time to journal, set out time to write. 

This is for me, because earlier this month, I would find myself complaining so much about how I'm not reading or journaling anymore, but I don't make time for those activities. Sure, there are times where it's easier to do those things, but there are also times where there's no “sheer will” to rely on anymore, and I have to make myself do it. Building my doing muscle and not relying on motivation. 

I just remembered that I talked about how I really wanted something in my last newsletter, and well, I also got that thing, too. It came late, but it happened. You can say that May wasn't such a bad month. A lot of learning, slowing down, moving fast, and winning. Not bad. 

Friday. 

One thing I like about this semester is the fact that I have two lecture free days—Thursday and Friday. Technically, it's supposed to be for your project work, but still, you get to stay at home and make your own plans. 

I was at home throughout today, and I was up to a good start with my tasks, until I got tired and overwhelmed, so I took a break and ended up sleeping for 2 hours in the afternoon. I woke up disoriented at first, but in a much better place mentally. 

I've been trying to get back into my habit of journalling, and so far, so good. I journal every morning for 10 minutes when I wake up and in the evening for 10 minutes. One thing I love about this is the fact that I recognised the blocker—“there’s no time”, so I created a me time, a time where I just do things that make me happy. 

It's when I'm writing this newsletter. It was important because waiting for when I'm ready to wind down for the night to journal and read a book was impossible, so instead of waiting, I created the time and told myself I would just do certain things at that time in the night, and when I'm done, I can go back to working or whatever. I love it for me, such a smart girl. I'm curious, what are some things you do that are just for you, like a ritual or a system you've built for yourself to accomplish certain goals or tasks? 

Oh, I forgot to mention that I went for an outreach this week. Wednesday was World Menstrual Hygiene Day, and we had a “pad-a-girl” outreach at a community secondary school. It was interesting—not what I thought it would be, but interesting nevertheless. Something that stood out to me during the entire thing was how politics will always find its way into things or “initiatives” whether you like it or not. 

I don't have pictures of it, surprisingly. It's surprising because a lot of pictures were taken at the outreach, but I haven't seen any of them. Maybe I will see them and attach them here before I send out the newsletter. 

Weekly Gallery:

💕 Something new I learned this week: 

This is not one thing, but it's just the difference between the British and American spelling. One thing that I learned concerning this (that sent me into a rabbit hole) was that in the British language, it is Speciality, while American is Specialty. 

💕 Something that brought me joy this week: 

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

💕 Something I'm looking forward to: 

Nothing, really. 

Articles, blog posts, essays, and everything else in between. 

🌻 My Therapist Says I Intellectualize My Emotions, But I Just Think That's So Interesting

Excerpts:

Books. 

I read only one book this month, not so surprising. It's The Grace Year by Kim Liggett. I didn't even write a review for it. My favourite thing about this book was the romance. It wasn't a huge part of the book and it fit just right. A lot of people might disagree, but I loved it so much. It was also pretty scary, too. It had supernatural themes. 

Synopsis: 

Survive the year.

No one speaks of the grace year. It's forbidden. 

In Garner County, girls are told they have the power to lure grown men from their beds, to drive women mad with jealousy. They believe their very skin emits a powerful aphrodisiac, the potent essence of youth, of a girl on the edge of womanhood. That's why they're banished for their sixteenth year, to release their magic into the wild so they can return purified and ready for marriage. But not all of them will make it home alive. 

Sixteen-year-old Tierney James dreams of a better life--a society that doesn't pit friend against friend or woman against woman, but as her own grace year draws near, she quickly realizes that it's not just the brutal elements they must fear. It's not even the poachers in the woods, men who are waiting for a chance to grab one of the girls in order to make a fortune on the black market. Their greatest threat may very well be each other. 

With sharp prose and gritty realism, The Grace Year examines the complex and sometimes twisted relationships between girls, the women they eventually become, and the difficult decisions they make in-between.

I'm currently reading The Emperor of Gladness by Ocean Vuong and The Seven O’ Clock Club by Amelia Ireland. I'm curious to see how everything unfolds in the latter. I will try to finish the book tomorrow and go back to reading The Emperor of Gladness. Hopefully, I finish it in the new week. 

Synopsis (The Emperor of Gladness): 

Ocean Vuong returns with a bighearted novel about chosen family, unexpected friendship, and the stories we tell ourselves in order to survive.

One late summer evening in the post-industrial town of East Gladness, Connecticut, nineteen-year-old Hai stands on the edge of a bridge in pelting rain, ready to jump, when he hears someone shout across the river. The voice belongs to Grazina, an elderly widow succumbing to dementia, who convinces him to take another path. Bereft and out of options, he quickly becomes her caretaker. Over the course of the year, the unlikely pair develops a life-altering bond, one built on empathy, spiritual reckoning, and heartbreak, with the power to transform Hai’s relationship to himself, his family, and a community on the brink.

Following the cycles of history, memory, and time, The Emperor of Gladness shows the profound ways in which love, labor, and loneliness form the bedrock of American life. At its heart is a brave epic about what it means to exist on the fringes of society and to reckon with the wounds that haunt our collective soul. Hallmarks of Ocean Vuong’s writing—formal innovation, syntactic dexterity, and the ability to twin grit with grace through tenderness—are on full display in this story of loss, hope, and how far we would go to possess one of life’s most fleeting mercies: a second chance.

Synopsis (The Seven O’ Clock Club): 

Four strangers are brought together to participate in an experimental treatment designed to heal broken hearts in this surprising and heartfelt debut novel from author Amelia Ireland.

In a perfectly ordinary building, four strangers who couldn't be more different meet for the first time. Their skepticism of this new kind of grief therapy--and the unnervingly perceptive group leader--means they're all wary, but as the weeks go by, they find themselves returning again and again, pulled to work toward healing, even if it means first facing the pain head-on.

A sharp-tongued lawyer who has no intention of letting down her walls, a fragile young woman looking for a place to belong, a musician at the top of his game who's one drink away from losing it all, and an interior designer facing the crumbling of her picture-perfect life--this unlikely group slowly opens up, not only to the possiblity of a happier future but to friendship, change, and even romance.

When a shocking revelation reveals the real reason they were chosen for this group, it shakes the very foundation of what they thought they knew. What began as a journey designed to heal turns out to be a much greater test of friendship, strength, and love as they realize happiness is just outside the door...if they're brave enough to seek it.

Gather round. 

💕 My internet footprint. 

It's nice to be back. I hope you have a wonderful week. 

Bye x.

Sidenote: I’m just noticing that the colours have changed AGAIN. It’s no longer pink!