I feel like getting drunk, but alcohol is disgusting, so I’ve been buying juice boxes. Yesterday, I got the biggest pack of Chi Exotic I could find and have been sipping it at intervals. It works.

I’ve been in a weird mood for a while. I think it began the day before Valentine’s, when I started thinking about how great it would be if my friend, Valentine—stinky stack of bones he is now—wound up alive. 

He would ask me to sing for him, and I would pretend I didn’t want to. I would get him something aviation-coded that would blow his mind. But he won’t wind up alive, I won’t sing for him, and I won’t get him a gift, because it has been 608 days and he’s no Lazarus. (I think I should do something interesting on day 1000.)

Everybody talks about how weird grief is, but I don’t think the word quite encapsulates how… somehow handling grief is. Oh, and there are definitely not 5 stages of grief—I’ve been through at least 72.

Caveat: I really wanted this to be a happy, fun, sunshiny thing. Unfortunately, all I want to do is yap about my dead friend. You don’t like my aesthetic? Don’t be angry.

The day Valentine died, I was sitting on the floor in my living room, wrapped in a yellow-green wrapper like a shawarma, working on a document for Bluxies Incorporated. Like a truly productive diva, I was practising the Pomodoro technique (5 minutes of deep work and 25 minutes of scrolling through social media). 

So I took a quick WhatsApp break and opened Elysium. Next message: (AA) “Check Valentine’s status now. I think he’s dead.”

I was like:

My last text was asking how he’s doing…? And just hours ago, I mentioned throwing a Warriors party for him and AA when he returns from the hospital? He read the text? I beg all your present, less busy, and available pardons?

I was in disbelief, especially the next day. The skies hadn’t fallen. There was traffic at Ikeja as per usual, and the roads were just as noisy as yesterday. Everyone was going about life as if this crazy thing did not just happen. Stars weren’t falling from the sky or anything. I mean, my world just collapsed on my head, but the sun is still shining?

It keeps coming back to me: the worst thing in the world can happen, but the next day, the sun will come up. And you will eat your toast. And you will drink your tea. I should actually read the book it’s from: After Life by Rhian Ellis.

I miss my friend, but I’m glad he’s dead.

Right now, I’m reading A.D. 33 by Ted Dekker, sequel to A.D. 30. I’m about 34% done. I’m trying so hard to not spoil the books, but this spoilage is crucial to what I want to say here, so forgive me. If you don’t want the spoiler, don’t read the next paragraph.

SPOILER:

I knew Judah was going to get himself killed. I just knew it, especially when he got out of prison and began to twist Yeshua’s words to satisfy his bloodlust. 2 years cut off from everyone and everything you know, love, and believe in will alter any man’s life that way, right? Le sigh. I only wish he had met Yeshua just once before he got himself kpaied. I also hate that his death gave me Queen Charlotte flashbacks. It was a sweet, sweet story, but it broke my heart that her love was not enough for him in the end.

Anyway, here are some of my favorite quotes from A.D. 30 and A.D. 33.

I miss my husband and children.

SPOILER AGAIN

Reminds me of this:

This part got me thinking about how Jesus was never a nepo baby. He had all the resources he could ever need at his disposal. He could have had angels or all the principalities of the world die in his stead, but he subjected himself to life as a man—in abject poverty, in fact, carried the cross, endured the merciless treatment, and bore the agony of crucifixion to the end. He earned his title as King of Kings. Philippians 2: 5-11 (AMP) explains this more clearly, especially verse 9. 

If even Jesus, the only begotten son of God, did not have it easy, maybe I can endure for one more day.

This one touched me. 

We often forget this.

Dazz my king! 💅🏼

Toh...

Forgive your toxic ex today. 

I’ve made at least 2 million playlists in February. There’s just so much good music in this world, and I wish I had 500 magical ears so I could listen to 500 songs at once while hearing each one distinctly and enjoying each one.

Special mention: HAMILTON. My favorites from the album are A Winter’s Ball, The Ten Duel Commandments, and Meet Me Inside. You may or may not cry at the end.  

I watched The PRisoner of Beauty, loved it, and naturally went down several internet rabbitholes (Why do we call them rabbitholes when we’re not rabbits? Was the evolution theory a conspiracy? Did we evolve from rabbits?). 

Then, I discovered that he’s a terrific singer. I went through his discography and found a gem which I’ve added to the playlist. Same energy as when I finished Lovely Runner, discovered Woo Seok sang it, and learnt it. I can sing Sudden Shower with only instrumentals now. I especially enjoy it because I don’t understand a single word of what I’m singing. 

I love hilarious songs. This dude sang about how all the women he has ever loved don’t like him. The song is hilarious but damn, those men can sing. Vocal strength? Breath control? Pitch? 

faints dramatically like a Korean girl whose oppa just maintained eye contact for 2.5 seconds.

Most importantly, listen to these people:

They will change your life.

I decided to document my life more strictly in 2025, so I’ve been keeping track of everything I watch. Interestingly, I wasn’t a movie person until about 3 years back when UNILAG almost took my life. Now, watching movies has become one of my major ways to cope with stress.

I’ll recommend:

Kollywood should be very careful, because I’m going to put Cdrama over kdramas very soon. The storylines are more realistic, and the pacing is much better. I mean, TPOB felt like watching an actual couple fall in love. I felt like an intruder.

Honorable mentions: 

Dishonorable mentions:

I’ve been learning Design for a while, and I love it when I scroll on the timeline and am able to tell good designs apart from bad ones. Honing that spidey sense. So far, I’ve gotten very good at using Canva, but my goal between now and March is to get better at it. 

My Q2 goal is to graduate from Canva to Illustrator or Figma. Also, I’ve decided on 3 focus points: Graphic Design, Brand Design, and Illustration Design. By Q3, I should have solid beginner knowledge of Illustration Design, and I should have designed at least 3 solid brand identities. Elysium is my lab rat for everything design. Watch out. 

If you catch wind of any design courses or opportunities (e.g., PAID internships), please put me on. I love design, and I will excel at it.

Elysium is my literary community (aka bookclub). Our 5th anniversary was earlier this month! We opened our doors to new members recently, and we’re nearing the end of the application review phase. We (the admins and I) are going through a lot, and I’ll remember them when I blow.

By the way, I started a podcast! I’m deeply excited about it, and I’m looking forward to all the things I’d have learnt about myself by Episode 20. You can listen to it here. 

I started this with a heavy heart, but I’m ending it smiling. Isn’t that interesting?

This was fun, and I would love to hear from you if there’s any part of my rambling you enjoyed, want to talk more about, or have a question about. You can reach me via [email protected].

Au revoir.

And everyone say, “Thank you, FK.”

That's the second guest post of the year, someone is being consistent and that's me. 

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