Week 45: The worst thing in the world can happen, but the next day the sun will come up. And you will eat your toast. And you will drink your tea.

Regular programming.

This week has been equal parts frustrating and—I don't even know what the other part has been. A mix of sad, good, and exhausting. I hope you've had a much better week than I did.

My head seems to be all over the place whenever I try to write this week's newsletter—this is the third draft, there seems to be a lot I want to say, but they're always so ‘not formed properly’, so I delete it. Backspace. Backspace. Backspace.

This is week 45 and there are 52 weeks in this year, so it's just 7 weeks till this year is over. I think this year went by pretty fast.

I can remember January really clearly, I was preparing to write exams and then there was February, March, April, and May. Those months were a defining time for me this year. There were exams and the anxiety of the exam results. It's so funny that I'm in the exact situation again. In December.

Moving away from that, I'm actually looking forward to December. I just love the spirit it brings, the way you can just relax and the weird time between Christmas and New year. There's also the fact that it gives you an opportunity to reflect and I would never turn down an opportunity to go through my journal.

I did that some time this week, mostly March and April entries and something that would always amaze me is how pain can feel so all-consuming in a particular moment, it's like you want to die, but after a certain time has passed, it begins to look like something that just happened to you.

There are some of those entries where it felt like whatever it was that was happening was so bad and I would always have that exact feeling, but it's passed now, I can't go back to feeling that way ever again.

To me, it's a reminder that no matter how painful an experience is or how it feels like I would never be able to move on from it or live with it, at some point, I would.

For some, I might not be able to forget about it or look at it differently, but it would be something I would be able to live with without falling apart.

It reminds me of that quote,

"The worst thing in the world can happen, but the next day the sun will come up. And you will eat your toast. And you will drink your tea” by Rhian Ellis

Truly.

Books.

To some extent, all I've done this week is read. On Sunday, I read The Sherbrooke Bride by Catherine Coulter. Before I go on, I need to plug in the synopsis.

Synopsis:

Douglas Sherbrooke, Earl of Northcliffe, is a man besieged. He must have an heir. Thus, he must first provide himself with the requisite bride. Alexandra Chambers, youngest daughter of the Duke of Beresford, has loved Douglas Sherbrooke since she was fifteen. Unfortunately, it is her sister, the incomparable Melissande, he wishes to wed.

But life never ladles out what one expects, and Douglas finds himself wed to the wrong sister. If having an unwanted wife isn't enough, he is also plagued by The Virgin Bride, a ghost that is reputedly seen in the countess's bedchamber. Does the willowy phantom really appear to Douglas? Does she speak to him?

⭐⭐⭐⭐/⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I enjoyed this one. I mean, it's a Catherine Coulter book and there's nothing I love more than a romance novel with a marriage of convenience/arranged marriage trope, it was amazing.

The FMC had liked the MMC for a while now, but the MMC (a duke, I think) liked the FMC's sister and he was going to marry her, but he had to go on this mission in France and so, he sent his cousin to marry her for his sake.

His cousin got there and decided that he was going to marry the FMC sister for himself (they kept describing her as so beautiful and all) and he would marry the FMC for the MMC.

The MMC had never met the FMC before and he didn't like her at all when he came back and found out what his cousin did, but of course, the FMC has a smart mouth and the MMC has never seen anyone like her before, so he decided to keep her and you know how the story goes, they eventually fall in love and live happily ever after.

The next book I read was The Safekeep by Yael van der Wouden, this is part of the Booker Prize shortlist and I'm glad I decided to read books from this list, because this book? Amazing.

Synopsis:

An exhilarating, twisted tale of desire, suspicion, and obsession between two women staying in the same house in the Dutch countryside during the summer of 1961—a powerful exploration of the legacy of WWII and the darker parts of our collective past.

A house is a precious thing...

It is 1961 and the rural Dutch province of Overijssel is quiet. Bomb craters have been filled, buildings reconstructed, and the war is truly over. Living alone in her late mother’s country home, Isabel knows her life is as it should be—led by routine and discipline. But all is upended when her brother Louis brings his graceless new girlfriend Eva, leaving her at Isabel’s doorstep as a guest, to stay for the season.

Eva is Isabel’s antithesis: she sleeps late, walks loudly through the house, and touches things she shouldn’t. In response, Isabel develops a fury-fueled obsession, and when things start disappearing around the house—a spoon, a knife, a bowl—Isabel’s suspicions begin to spiral. In the sweltering peak of summer, Isabel’s paranoia gives way to infatuation—leading to a discovery that unravels all Isabel has ever known. The war might not be well and truly over after all, and neither Eva—nor the house in which they live—are what they seem.

Mysterious, sophisticated, sensual, and infused with intrigue, atmosphere, and sex, The Safekeep is a brilliantly plotted and provocative debut novel you won’t soon forget.

⭐⭐⭐⭐.5/⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This book was set in the time after WWII, Amsterdam, and it was about Isabel, her siblings Hendrik and Louis, a house, desire, and how the survival instincts of people during a war can have long lasting effects on other people for generations to come.

Isabel had lived in the house the longest, so she had an attachment to it, but the house was promised to Louis because he was the oldest, I guess.

The main story started when Louis had to travel and he brought his girlfriend, Eva, to stay with Isabel in the house for a while.

Isabel wasn't so keen on the idea because she didn't like people in the house and she was very reserved, conservative, playing by the rules yada yada, and Eva wasn't any of those things. So, at first, they clashed a lot, but eventually, something happened that changed everything.

I would say more, but that would be a major spoiler, but how that happened was so surprising to me because of how Isabel was and it was even more interesting that when it was happening Isabel wasn't the one who was so opposed to it, it was interesting.

I wrote a review on bookstagram anyway, you should read it.

The next book I read was Co-wives, Co-widows by Adrienne Yabouza.

Synopsis:

Bangui, Central African Republic. This is the story of Ndongo Passy and Grekpoubou, the two widows of Lidou. Following their husband’s sudden and unexplained death, they find themselves fighting tooth and nail for all that is important to them. A playful, bittersweet, story full of dry wit and local colour, set against a backdrop of political instability, corruption and the friction between the old and the new.

It was about two women who were married to one man who eventually died and his cousin threw them out of the house accusing them of being witches and whatnot.

My favourite thing about the book was how it showed the relationship between the two women, how much they cared for each other, even though they didn't exactly have to.

There's a quote from the book I really like,

"‘It’s OK. My life’s been tied in a knot that I can’t undo with my fingers, but I’ll use my teeth.’”

I also wrote a review for this book on bookstagram, you can check it out here.

The next book I read was the Dandadan manga series. I'm currently at Chapter 173 which should be volume 20-something, but it's not yet out in the volume format (?), but the chapters are out. I'm not sure how it works.

Anyways, it was while I was reading it that I realised that it was still ongoing, I'm not sure how I feel about that and to make it even worse, there's no end in sight. Sigh.

It reminds me of this other manga I started one time and can't get back into because I have forgotten where I stopped (and it's still ongoing). The name's Kanojo Okarishmasu, this is definitely slow burn's final boss.

Anyways, I know I said I probably wouldn't watch the anime again since I'm already reading it, but I just might because there are some scenes I would want to see in action.

I also think that as the manga progresses it gets better and obviously, that's how most books are, but this one gets significantly better. It's so good.

Currently, my favourite character is Aira Shiratori. She's really cool and I honestly think she's the strongest, anyone who disagrees should fight her.

That's everything I read and finished this week.

Movies.

I finished Battle For Happiness this week, I finished it on Tuesday or so. I probably would have finished it earlier if not for the fact that Airtel and national grid were ganging up against me. Sigh.

It was so good and even more than I expected. Before I started watching it, I saw a review where someone said it had bad acting. Now that I'm done, I'm just like, WHAT BAD ACTING?!

Everyone was on point and my heart was in my throat most of the time. It was good, I need everyone to watch it (and watch Skycastle while you're at it).

I just remembered how whenever my sister wants to start an argument, she would just start talking about how good King The Land is and she knows how I feel about it.

I think King The Land is the worst kdrama ever, it was terrible. It's in the same category as What's Wrong With Secretary Kim? I couldn't even finish watching episode 1, I just stopped. Business Proposal is also in that list too, but the second leads had interesting lives, so I'll pardon it.

Currently, the movies that are on my ‘to watch list’ are;

• Silo.

• 1899.

• Dark Matter.

I'm watching them because my younger brother told me about them and it sounded really interesting. Also, Dark Matter reminds me of Flash a lot. I'm pretty sure it's a lot like Flash but without the speed aspect.

Articles.

western femininity vs black women.

Quotes:

• For Black women, embracing our softness is not just an act of self-care or femininity, it is a rebellion. In a world where we are often expected to carry the burdens of strength, to be resilient in the face of systemic oppression, and to endure, choosing softness becomes a radical act. To be soft as a Black woman is to reject the notion that we must always be strong and that our value is tied to how much we can preserve.

• Feminism that isn’t urgently necessary, that isn’t inherently political is a privilege—one that many white women on Substack have yet to fully realise.

• But here’s the thing: to be a soft Black woman, to allow yourself gentleness, and vulnerability, is its own kind of rebellion in the eyes of white femininity. They expect us to be strong because they need us to be because it keeps their own fragility intact. To be soft, to embrace tenderness, is to reject the myth that we have to be hard all the time. It’s a refusal to play the role they’ve written us.

• White insecurity stems from the fact that Black femininity calls attention to the ongoing oppression that has benefited white women. Black femininity does not fit into a monolithic mould. It is as varied as Black women ourselves. Reclaiming softness is just one part of this broader journey that involves embracing intellect. The burden of proving femininity falls away when we are allowed to exist without needing to perform or conform to anyone else’s standards. We become a force of self-definition.

• “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” — Audre Lorde

Read this if you hate yourself.

Quotes:

• To idealise oneself is to dehumanise oneself.

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That's all for this week, I feel like I wasn't in my ‘normal form’ when writing this, but this doesn't look so bad. I hope you enjoy reading it and of course, you can always send a reply, you can let me know what your favourite part of this week's newsletter was.

Bye x.